Writing & transmissions
The Loneliest I’ve ever been
Grief is one of the loneliest walks on earth. Every story and experience is so different. Every relationship unmatched. Every human so unique. And yet, everyone experiences this pain someway, somehow.
For years, while my mom went through cancer treatment, I watched others around me living their lives seemingly innocently and freely while I felt hopeless, heavy and alone, often thinking,
“Nobody gets it. No one knows what this feels like – to feel the weight of the unknown deep in my gut. To feel like I can’t make plans for my life or fully commit myself to the things I desire to experience because it could all take a turn at any moment, and then what will become of my life?! Of me?!”.
Even though I was doing a lot, I felt like I couldn’t give my full attention…
Grief is one of the loneliest walks on earth. Every story and experience is so different. Every relationship unmatched. Every human so unique. And yet, everyone experiences this pain someway, somehow.
For years, while my mom went through cancer treatment, I watched others around me living their lives seemingly innocently and freely while I felt hopeless, heavy and alone, often thinking,
“Nobody gets it. No one knows what this feels like – to feel the weight of the unknown deep in my gut. To feel like I can’t make plans for my life or fully commit myself to the things I desire to experience because it could all take a turn at any moment, and then what will become of my life?! Of me?!”.
Even though I was doing a lot, I felt like I couldn’t give my full attention where I truly wanted because at any moment a matter of life and death could require me to drop everything. I searched for ways to anchor myself into a bright, exciting feeling future that I sooo badly wanted to believe could be possible.
But with the life and well-being of one of the most important people in my life on the line, trying to create a shiny vision for the future felt frivolous and fake.
I was a master at hiding my worry, anxiety, and fear, a master of appearing to ‘have my ish together’, but on the inside I remember so many days feeling dull, half alive, my mind swirling and my body lethargic. As I denied my pain, grief and the impending doom of potential loss that often felt present, I tried to put my focus elsewhere and “just be happy, live in the moment”. But the suppressed emotions found their own way out - oozing through my skin as stress rashes on my eyelids and neck, appearing as sore throats and mystery illnesses, and sometimes even causing nausea that kept me from eating for a few days.
I pumped myself with caffeine hoping to feel something again and to find the energy to power through. I found a million things to distract myself with, from fitness classes to my business to going to Barnes and Nobel to buy more personal development books I’d never finish. Anything that would save me from what I was feeling inside.
I remember so many days trying to ‘just be normal’, trying to take the steps it seemed I should be taking, but I when I allowed myself to get still and just be, tears welled in my eyes and it all felt shallow and hallow. What I really felt was despair. Hopelessness. Lost. Exhausted. Alone.
I really wanted to do was lie on the floor or in my bed for hours, hoping the day would pass and tomorrow would feel different.
When my mom died, the loneliness hit another level. To know that no one else in the world knew my exact pain meant that I wouldn’t likely hear the perfect words I yearned to hear from anyone else, which was devastating to realize.
No one else would be able to console me fully.
No one else would know what I needed and how to perfectly take care of me.
I would have to learn how to meet myself in this loneliness and console myself.
That alone made me so angry.
In every moment of my early grief journey, I craved to be understood. Even though I was terrified to let anyone see what a mess I was inside, all I wanted was to be fully known in the pain of everything I had lost (even my before my mom died) as it felt like it was swallowing me whole.
I yearned to feel someone’s hand reach through the darkness to grab mine, offering me something to hold on to, to know where ‘up’ was so I could find my feet under me again amid the whirlwind of tears, anger, and inability to imagine how I would ever be ok again.
Gratefully, those hands lovingly appeared when I got vulnerable enough to share how I really felt and asked for help. No one tried to save me because they knew the importance of what I was living. But they sat with me and guided me in finding my center again, in feeling and releasing the buildup of emotions I was so masterful at holding in, often unknowingly. And most importantly, they saw me and loved me in my brokenness, in my cracked-openness.
They listened not only through the tears and confusion, they listened to the pain, growth and guidance that were alive deep within me. They witnessed me in heartache without rushing me or diminishing my current experience, while also holding a higher vision for my life and who I would still become, despite it all.
Some of these hands were of dear friends. Others of family members. Others of therapists, coaches and mentors.
As each reached a hand out to meet me, I stepped forward a little more to meet myself. And little by little the gaping whole of loneliness felt less suffocating.
Instead of walking up each morning feeling paralyzed by the monumental task of walking through another day knowing I was ultimately alone in my experience, I began to feel stable enough to make a home within myself, where my wellbeing didn’t depend on if others got it, understood, or met me. I was able to sit up on my bed each morning, put a hand to my heart and say,
“I know this is soo scary and lonely. I know you crave to hear someone tell you you will be ok, that you will LIVE fully again, that life will be good again. I know it would be so much easier to stay in bed, and I also know you are resilient and stronger than you realize. I know you haven’t actually died with your mom, even though it feels like you did. And I know there is something available here for you today because you are still alive. You don’t need to go fast, you can go at your own pace. Just one step, one moment, at a time.”
I learned how to listen to myself - to my grief and my soul. I learned how to speak those perfect words to the parts of me that needed consoling. I began to sense, feel, and welcome in the woman I would become through this experience even though I had no idea what she would be like, and I regained enough strength and hope to take little steps toward being her.
Slowly, I had the energy to begin to put my new website together and to dream about my business again, to work with new clients, to travel and to begin family therapy with my dad and sister.
I still needed others of course, I still needed loved ones to open and meet me as I had opened and met myself. Because I was no longer needing the impossible - for them to say or do the perfect thing - I was able to receive the love and company that they could offer. I began to see the imperfect beauty of each person in my life with more awe and gratitude, accepting them as they were and laughing and crying with them about life more freely.
I was met with sweet softness and companionship from my husband, holding me and listening as I vulnerably shared my fears and longings. I received little gifts in the mail and unexpected phone calls and texts from friends that brought me to tears and evoked big belly laughs.
Years have since passed, but through it all, a devotion brewed in my heart: to become the one that can see through the dark and offer a loving hand when nothing else can be seen or determined, when the unknown feels as lonely, stifling and terrifying as a pitch black endless maze.
To become the one whose very presence offers you safety and space to take a breath, open, feel, and listen to your inner needs and knowings.
To become the one that lovingly witnesses you in your pain, through the brokenness of your heart, knowing that with time, your pain will not define you like it does now, and you are becoming someone greater than you could ever imagine as you embrace your path.
Today, I am humbled and honored to embody this devotion everyday, to be able to offer my hand to you in the loneliest moments you could ever walk, as a lantern of hope, warmth, healing, and support when you fear this will be how life feels forever.
I offer my hand and guidance as you find your way out of the dark so you have the energy and support to:
> Travel to see your friends and family without feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, or afraid of how they will see or respond to who you are now;
> Bravely share that piece of writing you’ve been wanting to put on Substack and begin to build connection and community there;
> Speak up and share your heart with loved ones from a grounded energy of self-love and respect;
> Get on the apps again or walk up to that cute human making eyes at you at the park and ask for their number;
> Try to get pregnant [again];
> Leave your job, start your own company, and land your first clients;
> Go back to school and begin your dream career…
What's on your heart? What have you needed to push to the sidelines due to grief and loss that you crave to have the energy and support in your life to reclaim?
I offer you my hand.
Are you ready to take it?
Book your first 1:1 session here.
Join The Sanctuary Membership here.
Listen to the Transformed By Grief Podcast
Ep #27. Understanding Needs and Finding Peace in Uncertainty {Podcast}
Grief is a powerful teacher, and understanding our deepest needs can transform this journey into one of personal growth and healing. This episode invites you to contemplate the profound connection between grief and your human needs, exploring how recognizing and voicing our needs can lead to living more authentically and embracing the unknown with courage.
I guide you through a reflective process, encouraging you to identify your needs and understand the physical and emotional expressions of unmet needs.
Full Episode Show Notes
Grief is a powerful teacher, and understanding our deepest needs can transform this journey into one of personal growth and healing. This episode invites you to contemplate the profound connection between grief and your human needs, exploring how recognizing and voicing our needs can lead to living more authentically and embracing the unknown with courage.
I guide you through a reflective process, encouraging you to identify your needs and understand the physical and emotional expressions of unmet needs. By considering whether these needs can be fulfilled independently or require external support, we cultivate acceptance and compassion for ourselves. This exploration opens up a dialogue with a larger spiritual or universal presence, inviting peace and understanding beyond our immediate human experience. The process is both empowering and humbling, acknowledging that some needs may remain unmet, and that’s okay.
Throughout the episode, we’ll explore the art of surrendering to the unknown, creating a sacred space for transformation and inviting loved ones into this dialogue.
If you are ready to dive deeper:
Book Your First 1:1 Session here
Join The Sanctuary Membership here.
Join the next community grief event.
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I would love to hear what arises for you as you listen, and anything specific you'd like to hear on the show. Shoot me a note via email (hello@ellieflow.com), or respond to the episode directly via the feature on your podcast app.
Transcript
Ellie: 0:03
Welcome to Transformed by Grief. My name is Ellie Thomas and I am here to guide you on your transformational grief journey From feeling lost, raw and brokenhearted, questioning everything in you and around you, to reconnecting to the truth of who you are and the beauty, fulfillment and vibrancy of life that is still available in you and through you. On this podcast, we explore the depths of what it means to say yes to life again after you've been broken open by pain and grief. We will explore what it means to create a deep, loving and reverent relationship to yourself, to grief and to life in a way that allows you to begin to rebuild from the inside out and to create a powerful foundation for a joy-filled, alive feeling and fulfilling life you love. Welcome back to Transformed by Grief. I'm so glad to bring you today's episode because we're getting into a really important and not talked about that often conversation.
Ellie: 1:19
Subject all about needs. Our human needs are the basis of our vulnerability, our neediness, our humanness. That can very much come alive in any grief journey, in any broken open moment. We've been talking a lot about this in the sanctuary in the past couple months because beginning to have a deep relationship, awareness, connection, honoring of our needs, even when we can't perfectly fulfill them, or even when we need things that go beyond the power of our humanness, is the basis of any transformational journey, is the basis of any transformational journey Beginning to really understand ourselves, the parts of ourselves that have been molded by our past and left scars and holes that need tending to and that help create our wholeness, actually, when we connect with those kind of gaps in where we have been tended to, where we are still in need of love, where we are still in need of connection, where we are still in need of nurturing and support, and it goes on and on. But this is truly the basis of all transformational work, whether it be specific transformational grief work.
Ellie: 2:52
In my experience, grief arises in every single transformational journey. Most people just don't realize that grief is there when they embark on it. Grief has so many different textures and flavors and ways of arising in our system and as a society, we have come to understand grief in a very tangible way. I lost something. Therefore, I have grief, but it's so much bigger than that. And so this place of connecting to ourselves on this human level, it requires coming back to the body, it requires coming back to deep relationship with our humanness, our imperfection, the parts of us that we have probably tried to hide and override for years and years and years. If we are operating in the world that we're operating in especially if you are a woman and this place of beginning to connect with my needs.
Ellie: 4:00
I remember beginning my work with my coach in oh, let's see, it was a long time ago, maybe six years ago now, five or six years ago. Beginning to open up to the work of grief required that I come into deeper relationship with, and not even the work of grief. Beginning to open up to my own relationship with grief and beginning to allow and create the foundation for which I could move with my grief and release years of of Harvard grief and where I could begin to allow the built up inner pressure of suppressed emotion to escape so that I could feel myself again. All of this started with beginning to acknowledge my needs and beginning to own them with love and beginning to advocate for myself in these ways, and beginning to have a conversation with myself about where I had been pretending to not have needs or just simply subconsciously overlooking because I didn't feel safe to acknowledge them, or like they could be acknowledged, like it was okay for me to be in my imperfect humanness. So there is so much here. I feel like I could do an entire masterclass on this and maybe we will. If you want that, let me know, because this is like the before you even lay the concrete or the bricks of the foundation of a house you're building like. This is the I'm thinking of the word in Spanish bigas. This is like the really strong iron or steel rods that go into the ground that holds your structure together and that ground your structure to the earth. And needs are exactly that, or let me say that better are relationship to our needs and having and developing a relationship to our needs and beginning to understand the many different aspects and where they come from and how they relate to what we're feeling and what we're processing. That is like these, you know, huge pillars of support and huge pillars of grounding that ground us into the experience of transformation and ground us, bring us back to our humanness so that through that, we can open to divinity, so that we can open to wholeness, so that we can open to these greater parts of ourselves. It's interesting A lot of times when we're working with this and we're working with these kind of cracks in ourselves or these I've been using a little bit the analogy of Swiss cheese and the sanctuary like the holes in our Swiss cheese, those are actually the holes through which, as we tend to them and allow energy to flow through them.
Ellie: 6:58
Again, a lot of the times we've been trying to patch them up and keep them on the down low and to like pretend that they're not there. But actually, when we come into relationship, to patch them up and to keep them on the down low and to like pretend that they're not there, but actually when we come into relationship to them, that's where so many of our gifts and so much of our like divine essence, your soul, begins to flow through and that is where we end up connecting to ourselves. So this is like really humble, nitty-gritty feeling work at the beginning of being in our humanness and acknowledging the things that we didn't get, that we really needed when we were younger, the things that we still are needing now, coming into relationship to that now, grounding ourselves in the imperfection of humanness, and through that journey we rediscover and come into so much more of ourselves and have the invitation to allow this greater energy to express through us. So today I am sharing for the rest of the show this kind of opening talk around needs that I gave in the sanctuary. It's about half an hour long and there's also a practice at the end that leads you into relationship, kind of connective relationship with what's there. It talks about how we can meet our needs and how sometimes we can't, and what to do there and how to be in the gap of that when we feel grief and emotion there, and I guide you through that the whole time. This is a very kind of open-hearted, grounded conversation and so it doesn't move really quickly, but that's part of the invitation to allow yourself to just let the words and the concepts and the ideas and the exploration sink in and then at the end I'll lead you through a practice of just acknowledging and coming into connection with the needs that are present in your life and what that might be bringing up now. So, as always, if you would love to explore this more and work with me and a beautiful community around this more and develop all these different layers of your transformation, the sanctuary is always open.
Ellie: 9:02
Join us. We meet generally on Wednesdays. The timing varies a little bit because we've got people in all different time zones, but there are such special calls. Every call has just been so incredibly life-giving and we're really moving into a season of uncovering more. I can feel that happening in the people that are present, and I'm excited to see what that looks like and feels like. So if you are ready to join us, if you're ready to be met in your Born Through Grief journey, you know where to find me for one-on-one work and for the sanctuary. And, without further ado, here's a further exploration around needs. Oh, and one last thing when this episode ends, it ends in an extended moment of silence, letting you process and connect with whatever's coming up through the practice that I lead you through, through the reflection that I lead you through. This is the time, in the sanctuary, where we start to move into mentorship. This is the time in the sanctuary where we start to move into mentorship, and so just note that this will end with an extended time of silence, and then the music will kick in when the episode is over.
Ellie: 10:14
Okay, now here you go. So let's just do some internal sacred tending. You can follow along and just kind of be with yourself in it, taking a moment in your chair, eyes open or closed, to feel your butt and feel yourself arriving to the end of your day, taking a few conscious breaths in and really allowing them to begin to slowly bring you into your body, maybe even bringing your attention to any energy moving in your head space and just with each breath kind of breathing that down your face into your heart and then slowly into your belly on the exhales. Take a couple of those on your own, just taking a tender, precious moment with yourself here of acknowledgement of whatever you're feeling. If it feels good to place a hand on any part of your body, you can do that and I'm just closing my eyes to tune into things, but you can for sure have them open and just let a sense of connection with yourself be made, like I'm coming back to beautiful connection with myself after a long day, welcoming in awareness, awareness of what you're feeling, awareness of what you're needing, awareness of your energy level, of any exhaustion and and of anything else.
Ellie: 13:13
Just as you sink back into yourself with your breath, as you kind of feel yourself, maybe even lean back in your chair a tiny bit, what do you become aware of? What's asking for awareness and then inviting in a sense of acknowledgement and just acknowledging each of those things that came up, acknowledging yeah, I see you and I hear you to every part of yourself. Just kind of acknowledgement to your body, acknowledgement to your emotional self of like, yeah, that's real. Acknowledgement of your energy level. Yeah, acknowledgement of your needs and desires right now that may or may not feel met or that they are going to be met. And when we're beyond the kind of self-check-in state, I'll talk about two things that are coming up right now to talk about. That you can revisit or respond to later on. But just being with needs and desires is so important and yet being in the acknowledgement of them is even more important, without the attachment of needing them to be met Because we may not be able to meet them or they may not needing them to be met because we may not be able to meet them or they may not be able to be met externally right now. And as you continue to breathe here, just inviting in a invitation of acceptance, not needing to force acceptance, not even needing to try to accept anything, just inviting acceptance in and seeing how it might appear today, like, okay, I'm willing to play with you, acceptance, I'm willing to consider you. This is I breathe, what happens as we make space for acceptance, as we make space for acceptance of who you are right now, of where you are right now, of your needs, of your energy levels and more, not even trying to accept them, like I already said, just welcoming the potential of acceptance in and seeing what happens as we take a breath or two, thank you. So before we move on, just taking a breath or two so Noticing where you're landing internally.
Ellie: 17:59
So I was having a conversation with a friend today who lost a parent recently and we were talking about the journey of having a deeply connected experience with grief and feeling the call. Often that is not from our anything physical is not from our mind. It's like some call from our soul to have an intimacy with grief, basically an inner requirement to have intimacy with grief in a way that the world often doesn't or doesn't understand, and how strange that can be to process it with people that are living it in a different way or aren't grieving the same things. And one thing that really arose, as I was just kind of listening to where she was at, was something was again this very, very important part around the kind of prerequisite that we have to walk through or to move through in order to step into relationship with grief in a more fluid way, which is growing in our relationship to ourself and the yeah, there's kind of a prerequisite to being able to connect with grief on these deeper levels and that is through, in my experience, being able to connect with grief on these deeper levels and that is through, in my experience, being able to connect with ourselves in that way, which is ultimately like the overarching theme of all of our work and all of my work is and anybody that's ever worked with me is cultivating deep, deep relationship with self. And as we do that, we are meeting all of these parts of ourselves and all of these emotions and all of these experiences with deep connection as well, from the basis of that relationship. So, if you're here, you've already been working on that in your life because you're here. Nobody that's not open to that, nobody, that yeah, nobody would work with me if they're not open to that.
Ellie: 20:19
And a huge piece of that which is often really confusing is connecting with our needs and connecting with our desires from a clear place as a deep relationship with ourselves, and it's mainly confusing from the place of needs, especially for women in our society where needs have not all often been considered important or we have not been given the space to voice them, and beginning to come into relationship with our needs is kind of a huge, foundational piece of our ongoing grief journey. However, a lot of the times this can be taught or looked at or addressed from a place of well, if I look into my needs, then I must figure out how they are going to be met, and it can come from a place of control. And while I totally get that because usually that is just trying to patch pain and prevent us from pain, it is just a really, really important safety mechanism. The truth of needs often brings us to the truth of the pain, of them not having been met by us, by others, by God or however you relate to the beyond or however you relate to the beyond. And it's a very courageous act in my experience to begin to claim our needs in past versions of ourselves and in present versions of ourselves from a place of I really needed or I really need this If it wasn't met in the past, grieving that need not having been met. There's often anger here, there's often a whole slew of an experience here and then in the present. Also, I'm claiming this need, just stating I really need this and I don't know if it's going to be met.
Ellie: 22:51
And when we talk about that, there's a gap of grief and fear and relationship with the unknown that's created when we have the bravery to state that and step into. Basically, by stating it and not knowing how it's going to be met, we are stepping into a new relationship with the unknown. We're allowing ourselves to be fully seen, stated, claimed and for the unknown to meet us in that or not meet us in that. The unknown, in my experience, in my sense of it, always meets us, but it may not be an active sense of meeting our needs us, but it may not be an active sense of meeting our needs. And so when I bring up the awareness of our needs today, oftentimes when I explore this with one-on-one clients, we go into this a lot and it can be really scary just to claim like I need rest, I need this, I need that, I need money, maybe I need you know there's a million things we could need, but ultimately I think it usually comes down to like space connection, obviously having our basic needs met and claiming that or stating that.
Ellie: 24:28
And then, once we do that, we are invited into three potentials. One is that this need is potentially meetable by ourselves and we can offer that witnessing and that healing and support to ourselves by stating, oh, I really need sleep. Okay, I am going to go to sleep, I'm just using an example. Or, oh, I'm really needing to eat, even though nobody else is hungry. I need to go find myself some good food or make myself something. Or I really need to go to the bathroom and even though this isn't a potentially appropriate time to go to the bathroom in the sense of society, like I need to honor my body's need to go to the bathroom right now. So we're invited into the potential of turning towards that need and seeing can I meet this right now?
Ellie: 25:30
And exploring that if we can we may not always be able to, oftentimes we can't we're also invited into a place where we have a need and somebody else could potentially support us in that, and this is usually a really vulnerable place to share our needs with other people and to say I'm really needing support, or I'm really needing to know that you'll be there, or I'm really needing a hug, or I'm really needing to not make dinner tonight. Can you please, or you know, there's a million different iterations of this. I'm really needing to go on an adventure, will you join me? And so we're also invited into. Like, the first level is ourselves stating our needs, letting them kind of just exist in the abyss and letting ourselves sit with what is often the discomfort of really stating and claiming our needs in a place where we have indirectly or directly likely been told that we should be needless. And then we get to kind of explore that need and our potential ability to support ourselves in it, and in many ways this might be healing and at the same time we might not be able to. And then we get invited into the next layer, which is other people. And is this a need that I feel like I can express? And if I do express it, are others able to meet me in it? And I may express it and they may not be able to meet me in it.
Ellie: 27:31
Every time we step out from the self a little bit further, we're surrendering a little bit more control. We're surrendering a little bit more control. We're surrendering to the potential of the unknown. We're surrendering to the potential that we may not be met and yet it is worth it simply when it's in our capacity to do so, simply to explore, because oftentimes needs simply need. Needs simply need awareness and recognition. Yes, of course they need to be met. There are very basic needs that need to be met we need a house, we need food, we need water, we need sleep, we need income to be able to support these parts of our lives, et cetera, and beyond that.
Ellie: 28:24
Many times, on an emotional level, on a spiritual level, those needs can be there, but what they most need is witnessing. And so, as we witness ourselves, as we potentially explore being witnessed by others in our need, which can be extremely vulnerable, especially when we don't know if they're capable of meeting us in it or meeting it, we also have the awareness that it may not be meetable by a human or we may not be able to control it. And so is God, the divine universe, able to meet us in it? And oftentimes, when we're not able to meet ourselves and we don't feel either in a space to bring it to others or just others can't meet us in it, my prayer is just to lift up my need, like I don't know how this can be met, but I gotta lift it up to you because I don't have any way of meeting it myself.
Ellie: 29:24
There's a very deep place of vulnerability of simply acknowledging, layer after layer as we go deeper into our journeys, with grief and not with grief this I came into this from a grief angle, but it is a prerequisite to really being able to do this in grief anyways, to be in a place where we can say and claim what our needs are without the expectation that they will always be met. It's a very, very, very vulnerable thing always be met. It's a very, very, very vulnerable thing For me when I was exploring this, the first time I kind of stepped into my need exploration was about seven years ago and I was terrified terrified to even consider that I had needs like terrified and to even consider that I had all of these needs from the past that had never been met and that I had just skimmed over the top of or that I had needed to find a way through because they hadn't been met. And I usually just found it by squashing them down and trying to be somebody that didn't need anything from anybody else.
Ellie: 30:44
And oftentimes grief or broken open moments or whatever it is that brings you into deeper relationship with yourself, requires us to go through a gentle or not gentle version of reclamation, reclaiming each of these things, reclaiming the foundation of our humanness, which is neediness. So just take a second now it looks like Allison already did this, but if you're watching the replay, just take a second now and let's come back to that question of awareness and awareness of what needs might be present right now, and then let's just step into acknowledgement, like that is a real need, that is a real need. I see that this is valid, this is real, this is legit, and I'm so sorry if this hasn't been met in the past. I'm so sorry that it has not been met. And standing here now, in relationship to that need, we can ask is this a need I am able to meet? And if it's a no, that's okay. Is this a need other people are able to meet? And, as you sit with it, it might be a no too. And if it's a no-two, that's okay.
Ellie: 32:31
And any needs that are unmeetable in our humanness, just lifting them up to the unknown, lifting them up to the mystery, to God. I know every person in here has their own relationship with the divine and or is in their exploration of their relationship to the divine, and so sometimes just saying like I don't know, I'm just lifting this up to whatever's there because I don't know how to meet this, but then just taking the moment to sit with, what is it like to really sit with this need, to recognize it, to affirm it and then to be open to the potentials that it's not meetable, but to be aware of that? And just in that act, in my experience, we begin to disconnect a little bit more or decouple that's a better word, decouple, uncouple from the solving brain, because a lot of the times when needs arise and when needs come up, we are spurred into our I don't know, I'm number one here Intellect, one here, intellect, my intellect goes crazy trying to solve it and figure it out. And so when we go through this process of can I meet this personally? Are others going to be able to meet it? Is there actually somebody that would help me with this? And then, if there's a no to all of these things, can I just lift this up?
Ellie: 34:01
And as we go through the act of that and kind of the surrender of it, while still being in relationship to the need, in my experience we begin to create space to experience the need on a deeper level, in a different way, potentially on an emotional level, potentially from a place of spiritual, inner wisdom, because our mind has no longer hijacked it as its project that it is trying to solve. And so what is it like for you to simply sit with that, to sit with that process right now? I'll walk you through it again. What needs are present right now, what needs are asking to be seen and known and acknowledged, and just really feeling that need and feeling where it might be located in your body, how it's speaking to you, what it feels like. Then, give space for anything that might be swelling up with it. Are there images from the past, or memories from the past, or emotions from the past? Or sometimes even in my experience, as I simply recognized my needs, I ended up realizing how long they had been there without being acknowledged and I just felt so much immense inner grief and sadness that it had been there the whole time.
Ellie: 36:15
So just giving space to what the experience of actually seeing and being in relationship with your needs is and letting any emotion be there and then, parallel to that, just letting the emotion stay We'll come back to it in a moment and checking in with is this a need that I can meet right now? Is there any way I can turn towards this part of myself and step in and step in If there is, explore that lean into that. How can you do that? And if not, just take a moment to sit with the reality of the no. What does it feel like to not be able to meet your own needs? It might feel helpless or hopeless. Maybe there's peace here, maybe it's okay. There's a whole range of things that might exist here.
Ellie: 38:04
And then taking a breath and asking is this a need that anybody else can meet? Is there anyone in my life that is able to potentially meet this need? If I were to voice it to them and to share it with them from a really like open place and see if somebody comes up and if there is somebody, take a moment to explore. And if there is somebody, take a moment to explore. Oh, what would it be like to step out and vulnerably state this need to them From a really a place of love for myself and love for them? What would it be like to advocate for myself in this way? And if the answer is no, there's nobody that can meet this need, let's sit with that that can be big.
Ellie: 39:37
Sometimes these needs are like I need this to happen or I need this to change now because I don't feel like I have the capacity to keep going like this or whatever it is, and sometimes, as we just state the need, we realize it's unmeetable by other humans. There's nothing anybody can tangibly do in this moment to satisfy this and to to not even satisfy, fulfill this need. There can be just a cavern of emotion in this and there could be peace too. It could feel devastating and really scary to just hold this in yourself in your heart, scary to just hold this in yourself in your heart, something that nor you nor any other human can change in this moment or fulfill or meet in this moment. And also there can be this deep connection to the greater part of us in this space, to the greater part of us in this space, to the vast non-humanness, while we are very clearly in a human moment, and then taking a breath and lifting any unmet needs, unmet pieces, up to the divine, up to the heavens, out to the universe, up to God, however, and out to God.
Ellie: 41:29
However you want to do this, just surrendering it to the unknown. I'm just going to give a moment of silence for you to experience this and to see what comes as you do this, thank you. Thank you for listening to transformed by grief. Please take a moment to rate, review and subscribe to the show and to share it with a loved one that needs this medicine today. If you are ready to deepen into your own Transformed by Grief process, you can join the sanctuary membership or work with me one-on-one at eliflocom. See you soon.
Episode Music credit:
Embrace by Sappheiros | https://soundcloud.com/sappheirosmusic
Music promoted on https://www.chosic.com/free-music/all/
Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported (CC BY 3.0) https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/Ep #26. Embracing the Void: Healing, Rejuvenation, and New Beginnings {Podcast}
Unlock the transformative power of grief with me as we journey through the three major energies that shape our healing process after profound loss. This episode of Transformed by Grief guides you in rebuilding a vibrant and joyful life, even after being shattered by pain. You'll gain insights into embracing life's inevitable voids and transitions, fostering a loving relationship with yourself and your grief, and finding your footing amid uncertainty. Experience the shift from release to rejuvenation, and discover how to embrace new beginnings with consciousness and intention.
Full Episode Show Notes
Unlock the transformative power of grief with me as we journey through the three major energies that shape our healing process after profound loss. This episode of Transformed by Grief guides you in rebuilding a vibrant and joyful life, even after being shattered by pain. You'll gain insights into embracing life's inevitable voids and transitions, fostering a loving relationship with yourself and your grief, and finding your footing amid uncertainty. Experience the shift from release to rejuvenation, and discover how to embrace new beginnings with consciousness and intention.
On this episode, I explore:
The non-linear path of healing
The energies that guide us into stillness, rejuvenation, and stepping into new opportunities
How our first encounters with deep voids can redefine our approach to future challenges
The art of orienting to new beginnings, unraveling survival modes, and embracing a state of openness
The conscious reorientation this episode introduces is an ongoing journey of healing and transformation, allowing you to welcome life's possibilities with renewed excitement and faith with time.
If you want to dive into the dynamics of transformation even more, go back and listen to episode #6. If you want to learn more about the power of energetic and emotional release, go back and listen to episode #5.
I would love to hear what arises for you as you listen, and anything specific you'd like to hear on the show. Shoot me a note via email (hello@ellieflow.com), or respond to the episode directly via the feature on your podcast app.
Ready for deep, intimate 1:1 support? Begin here.
Join The Sanctuary Membership here.
Moving through an inner or outer shift or transition? Access the Make Space for the New Workshop for immediate support.
Tap into more medicinal nuggets on the podcast: Listen Now.
Begin Your free ‘Awaken Your Flow’ Journey
Move through the latest Grief Flow on your own time here.
Episode Music credit:
Embrace by Sappheiros | https://soundcloud.com/sappheirosmusic
Music promoted on https://www.chosic.com/free-music/all/
Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported (CC BY 3.0) https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/Presence: An Exploration + Meditation to Drop into Your Body and Heart {Podcast}
This bonus episode shares the audio from a recent IG live I led on presence, how it is our gateway to life, its connection with the heart and its role in moving through seasons filled with deep emotion, the reasons the mind/intellect can keep us distracted instead of present, and how to begin to work with yourself to invite presence in.
Full Episode Show Notes
This bonus episode shares the audio from a recent IG live I led on presence, how it is our gateway to life, its connection with the heart and its role in moving through seasons filled with deep emotion, the reasons the mind/intellect can keep us distracted instead of present, and how to begin to work with yourself to invite presence in.
The first 15 minutes are a short teaching and exploration, and the meditation begins at 16:20 minutes.
I would love to hear what arises for you as you listen, and anything specific you'd like to hear on the show. Shoot me a note via email (hello@ellieflow.com), or respond to the episode directly via the feature on your podcast app.
Ready for deep, intimate 1:1 support? Begin here.
Join The Sanctuary Membership here.
Moving through an inner or outer shift or transition? Access the Make Space for the New Workshop for immediate support.
Tap into more medicinal nuggets on the podcast: Listen Now.
Begin Your free ‘Awaken Your Flow’ Journey
Move through the latest Grief Flow on your own time here.
Episode Music credit:
Embrace by Sappheiros | https://soundcloud.com/sappheirosmusic
Music promoted on https://www.chosic.com/free-music/all/
Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported (CC BY 3.0) https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/Ep #25. The podcast has a new name, welcome to Transformed by Grief {Podcast}
It's episode 25 and the show is taking a new step as a guiding light and leader in Transformational Grief Work. Tune in to hear about this evolution, what being Transformed by Grief means, and what you can expect.
Full Episode Show Notes
It's episode 25 and the show is taking a new step as a guiding light and leader in Transformational Grief Work. Tune in to hear about this evolution, what being Transformed by Grief means, and what you can expect.
All my love, thank you for being here!
I would love to hear what arises for you as you listen, and anything specific you'd like to hear on the show. Shoot me a note via email (hello@ellieflow.com), or respond to the episode directly via the feature on your podcast app.
Ready for deep, intimate 1:1 support? Begin here.
Join The Sanctuary Membership here.
Moving through an inner or outer shift or transition? Access the Make Space for the New Workshop for immediate support.
Tap into more medicinal nuggets on the podcast: Listen Now.
Begin Your free ‘Awaken Your Flow’ Journey
Move through the latest Grief Flow on your own time here.
Episode Music credit:
Embrace by Sappheiros | https://soundcloud.com/sappheirosmusic
Music promoted on https://www.chosic.com/free-music/all/
Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported (CC BY 3.0) https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/