The Loneliest I’ve ever been

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Ellie Thomas 10/17/24 Ellie Thomas 10/17/24

Ep #27. Understanding Needs and Finding Peace in Uncertainty {Podcast}

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Full Episode Show Notes

Grief is a powerful teacher, and understanding our deepest needs can transform this journey into one of personal growth and healing. This episode invites you to contemplate the profound connection between grief and your human needs, exploring how recognizing and voicing our needs can lead to living more authentically and embracing the unknown with courage.

I guide you through a reflective process, encouraging you to identify your needs and understand the physical and emotional expressions of unmet needs. By considering whether these needs can be fulfilled independently or require external support, we cultivate acceptance and compassion for ourselves. This exploration opens up a dialogue with a larger spiritual or universal presence, inviting peace and understanding beyond our immediate human experience. The process is both empowering and humbling, acknowledging that some needs may remain unmet, and that’s okay.

Throughout the episode, we’ll explore the art of surrendering to the unknown, creating a sacred space for transformation and inviting loved ones into this dialogue.

If you are ready to dive deeper:

Book Your First 1:1 Session here

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Join the next community grief event.

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Transcript

Ellie: 0:03

Welcome to Transformed by Grief. My name is Ellie Thomas and I am here to guide you on your transformational grief journey From feeling lost, raw and brokenhearted, questioning everything in you and around you, to reconnecting to the truth of who you are and the beauty, fulfillment and vibrancy of life that is still available in you and through you. On this podcast, we explore the depths of what it means to say yes to life again after you've been broken open by pain and grief. We will explore what it means to create a deep, loving and reverent relationship to yourself, to grief and to life in a way that allows you to begin to rebuild from the inside out and to create a powerful foundation for a joy-filled, alive feeling and fulfilling life you love. Welcome back to Transformed by Grief. I'm so glad to bring you today's episode because we're getting into a really important and not talked about that often conversation.

Ellie: 1:19

Subject all about needs. Our human needs are the basis of our vulnerability, our neediness, our humanness. That can very much come alive in any grief journey, in any broken open moment. We've been talking a lot about this in the sanctuary in the past couple months because beginning to have a deep relationship, awareness, connection, honoring of our needs, even when we can't perfectly fulfill them, or even when we need things that go beyond the power of our humanness, is the basis of any transformational journey, is the basis of any transformational journey Beginning to really understand ourselves, the parts of ourselves that have been molded by our past and left scars and holes that need tending to and that help create our wholeness, actually, when we connect with those kind of gaps in where we have been tended to, where we are still in need of love, where we are still in need of connection, where we are still in need of nurturing and support, and it goes on and on. But this is truly the basis of all transformational work, whether it be specific transformational grief work.

Ellie: 2:52

In my experience, grief arises in every single transformational journey. Most people just don't realize that grief is there when they embark on it. Grief has so many different textures and flavors and ways of arising in our system and as a society, we have come to understand grief in a very tangible way. I lost something. Therefore, I have grief, but it's so much bigger than that. And so this place of connecting to ourselves on this human level, it requires coming back to the body, it requires coming back to deep relationship with our humanness, our imperfection, the parts of us that we have probably tried to hide and override for years and years and years. If we are operating in the world that we're operating in especially if you are a woman and this place of beginning to connect with my needs.

Ellie: 4:00

I remember beginning my work with my coach in oh, let's see, it was a long time ago, maybe six years ago now, five or six years ago. Beginning to open up to the work of grief required that I come into deeper relationship with, and not even the work of grief. Beginning to open up to my own relationship with grief and beginning to allow and create the foundation for which I could move with my grief and release years of of Harvard grief and where I could begin to allow the built up inner pressure of suppressed emotion to escape so that I could feel myself again. All of this started with beginning to acknowledge my needs and beginning to own them with love and beginning to advocate for myself in these ways, and beginning to have a conversation with myself about where I had been pretending to not have needs or just simply subconsciously overlooking because I didn't feel safe to acknowledge them, or like they could be acknowledged, like it was okay for me to be in my imperfect humanness. So there is so much here. I feel like I could do an entire masterclass on this and maybe we will. If you want that, let me know, because this is like the before you even lay the concrete or the bricks of the foundation of a house you're building like. This is the I'm thinking of the word in Spanish bigas. This is like the really strong iron or steel rods that go into the ground that holds your structure together and that ground your structure to the earth. And needs are exactly that, or let me say that better are relationship to our needs and having and developing a relationship to our needs and beginning to understand the many different aspects and where they come from and how they relate to what we're feeling and what we're processing. That is like these, you know, huge pillars of support and huge pillars of grounding that ground us into the experience of transformation and ground us, bring us back to our humanness so that through that, we can open to divinity, so that we can open to wholeness, so that we can open to these greater parts of ourselves. It's interesting A lot of times when we're working with this and we're working with these kind of cracks in ourselves or these I've been using a little bit the analogy of Swiss cheese and the sanctuary like the holes in our Swiss cheese, those are actually the holes through which, as we tend to them and allow energy to flow through them.

Ellie: 6:58

Again, a lot of the times we've been trying to patch them up and keep them on the down low and to like pretend that they're not there. But actually, when we come into relationship, to patch them up and to keep them on the down low and to like pretend that they're not there, but actually when we come into relationship to them, that's where so many of our gifts and so much of our like divine essence, your soul, begins to flow through and that is where we end up connecting to ourselves. So this is like really humble, nitty-gritty feeling work at the beginning of being in our humanness and acknowledging the things that we didn't get, that we really needed when we were younger, the things that we still are needing now, coming into relationship to that now, grounding ourselves in the imperfection of humanness, and through that journey we rediscover and come into so much more of ourselves and have the invitation to allow this greater energy to express through us. So today I am sharing for the rest of the show this kind of opening talk around needs that I gave in the sanctuary. It's about half an hour long and there's also a practice at the end that leads you into relationship, kind of connective relationship with what's there. It talks about how we can meet our needs and how sometimes we can't, and what to do there and how to be in the gap of that when we feel grief and emotion there, and I guide you through that the whole time. This is a very kind of open-hearted, grounded conversation and so it doesn't move really quickly, but that's part of the invitation to allow yourself to just let the words and the concepts and the ideas and the exploration sink in and then at the end I'll lead you through a practice of just acknowledging and coming into connection with the needs that are present in your life and what that might be bringing up now. So, as always, if you would love to explore this more and work with me and a beautiful community around this more and develop all these different layers of your transformation, the sanctuary is always open.

Ellie: 9:02

Join us. We meet generally on Wednesdays. The timing varies a little bit because we've got people in all different time zones, but there are such special calls. Every call has just been so incredibly life-giving and we're really moving into a season of uncovering more. I can feel that happening in the people that are present, and I'm excited to see what that looks like and feels like. So if you are ready to join us, if you're ready to be met in your Born Through Grief journey, you know where to find me for one-on-one work and for the sanctuary. And, without further ado, here's a further exploration around needs. Oh, and one last thing when this episode ends, it ends in an extended moment of silence, letting you process and connect with whatever's coming up through the practice that I lead you through, through the reflection that I lead you through. This is the time, in the sanctuary, where we start to move into mentorship. This is the time in the sanctuary where we start to move into mentorship, and so just note that this will end with an extended time of silence, and then the music will kick in when the episode is over.

Ellie: 10:14

Okay, now here you go. So let's just do some internal sacred tending. You can follow along and just kind of be with yourself in it, taking a moment in your chair, eyes open or closed, to feel your butt and feel yourself arriving to the end of your day, taking a few conscious breaths in and really allowing them to begin to slowly bring you into your body, maybe even bringing your attention to any energy moving in your head space and just with each breath kind of breathing that down your face into your heart and then slowly into your belly on the exhales. Take a couple of those on your own, just taking a tender, precious moment with yourself here of acknowledgement of whatever you're feeling. If it feels good to place a hand on any part of your body, you can do that and I'm just closing my eyes to tune into things, but you can for sure have them open and just let a sense of connection with yourself be made, like I'm coming back to beautiful connection with myself after a long day, welcoming in awareness, awareness of what you're feeling, awareness of what you're needing, awareness of your energy level, of any exhaustion and and of anything else.

Ellie: 13:13

Just as you sink back into yourself with your breath, as you kind of feel yourself, maybe even lean back in your chair a tiny bit, what do you become aware of? What's asking for awareness and then inviting in a sense of acknowledgement and just acknowledging each of those things that came up, acknowledging yeah, I see you and I hear you to every part of yourself. Just kind of acknowledgement to your body, acknowledgement to your emotional self of like, yeah, that's real. Acknowledgement of your energy level. Yeah, acknowledgement of your needs and desires right now that may or may not feel met or that they are going to be met. And when we're beyond the kind of self-check-in state, I'll talk about two things that are coming up right now to talk about. That you can revisit or respond to later on. But just being with needs and desires is so important and yet being in the acknowledgement of them is even more important, without the attachment of needing them to be met Because we may not be able to meet them or they may not needing them to be met because we may not be able to meet them or they may not be able to be met externally right now. And as you continue to breathe here, just inviting in a invitation of acceptance, not needing to force acceptance, not even needing to try to accept anything, just inviting acceptance in and seeing how it might appear today, like, okay, I'm willing to play with you, acceptance, I'm willing to consider you. This is I breathe, what happens as we make space for acceptance, as we make space for acceptance of who you are right now, of where you are right now, of your needs, of your energy levels and more, not even trying to accept them, like I already said, just welcoming the potential of acceptance in and seeing what happens as we take a breath or two, thank you. So before we move on, just taking a breath or two so Noticing where you're landing internally.

Ellie: 17:59

So I was having a conversation with a friend today who lost a parent recently and we were talking about the journey of having a deeply connected experience with grief and feeling the call. Often that is not from our anything physical is not from our mind. It's like some call from our soul to have an intimacy with grief, basically an inner requirement to have intimacy with grief in a way that the world often doesn't or doesn't understand, and how strange that can be to process it with people that are living it in a different way or aren't grieving the same things. And one thing that really arose, as I was just kind of listening to where she was at, was something was again this very, very important part around the kind of prerequisite that we have to walk through or to move through in order to step into relationship with grief in a more fluid way, which is growing in our relationship to ourself and the yeah, there's kind of a prerequisite to being able to connect with grief on these deeper levels and that is through, in my experience, being able to connect with grief on these deeper levels and that is through, in my experience, being able to connect with ourselves in that way, which is ultimately like the overarching theme of all of our work and all of my work is and anybody that's ever worked with me is cultivating deep, deep relationship with self. And as we do that, we are meeting all of these parts of ourselves and all of these emotions and all of these experiences with deep connection as well, from the basis of that relationship. So, if you're here, you've already been working on that in your life because you're here. Nobody that's not open to that, nobody, that yeah, nobody would work with me if they're not open to that.

Ellie: 20:19

And a huge piece of that which is often really confusing is connecting with our needs and connecting with our desires from a clear place as a deep relationship with ourselves, and it's mainly confusing from the place of needs, especially for women in our society where needs have not all often been considered important or we have not been given the space to voice them, and beginning to come into relationship with our needs is kind of a huge, foundational piece of our ongoing grief journey. However, a lot of the times this can be taught or looked at or addressed from a place of well, if I look into my needs, then I must figure out how they are going to be met, and it can come from a place of control. And while I totally get that because usually that is just trying to patch pain and prevent us from pain, it is just a really, really important safety mechanism. The truth of needs often brings us to the truth of the pain, of them not having been met by us, by others, by God or however you relate to the beyond or however you relate to the beyond. And it's a very courageous act in my experience to begin to claim our needs in past versions of ourselves and in present versions of ourselves from a place of I really needed or I really need this If it wasn't met in the past, grieving that need not having been met. There's often anger here, there's often a whole slew of an experience here and then in the present. Also, I'm claiming this need, just stating I really need this and I don't know if it's going to be met.

Ellie: 22:51

And when we talk about that, there's a gap of grief and fear and relationship with the unknown that's created when we have the bravery to state that and step into. Basically, by stating it and not knowing how it's going to be met, we are stepping into a new relationship with the unknown. We're allowing ourselves to be fully seen, stated, claimed and for the unknown to meet us in that or not meet us in that. The unknown, in my experience, in my sense of it, always meets us, but it may not be an active sense of meeting our needs us, but it may not be an active sense of meeting our needs. And so when I bring up the awareness of our needs today, oftentimes when I explore this with one-on-one clients, we go into this a lot and it can be really scary just to claim like I need rest, I need this, I need that, I need money, maybe I need you know there's a million things we could need, but ultimately I think it usually comes down to like space connection, obviously having our basic needs met and claiming that or stating that.

Ellie: 24:28

And then, once we do that, we are invited into three potentials. One is that this need is potentially meetable by ourselves and we can offer that witnessing and that healing and support to ourselves by stating, oh, I really need sleep. Okay, I am going to go to sleep, I'm just using an example. Or, oh, I'm really needing to eat, even though nobody else is hungry. I need to go find myself some good food or make myself something. Or I really need to go to the bathroom and even though this isn't a potentially appropriate time to go to the bathroom in the sense of society, like I need to honor my body's need to go to the bathroom right now. So we're invited into the potential of turning towards that need and seeing can I meet this right now?

Ellie: 25:30

And exploring that if we can we may not always be able to, oftentimes we can't we're also invited into a place where we have a need and somebody else could potentially support us in that, and this is usually a really vulnerable place to share our needs with other people and to say I'm really needing support, or I'm really needing to know that you'll be there, or I'm really needing a hug, or I'm really needing to not make dinner tonight. Can you please, or you know, there's a million different iterations of this. I'm really needing to go on an adventure, will you join me? And so we're also invited into. Like, the first level is ourselves stating our needs, letting them kind of just exist in the abyss and letting ourselves sit with what is often the discomfort of really stating and claiming our needs in a place where we have indirectly or directly likely been told that we should be needless. And then we get to kind of explore that need and our potential ability to support ourselves in it, and in many ways this might be healing and at the same time we might not be able to. And then we get invited into the next layer, which is other people. And is this a need that I feel like I can express? And if I do express it, are others able to meet me in it? And I may express it and they may not be able to meet me in it.

Ellie: 27:31

Every time we step out from the self a little bit further, we're surrendering a little bit more control. We're surrendering a little bit more control. We're surrendering to the potential of the unknown. We're surrendering to the potential that we may not be met and yet it is worth it simply when it's in our capacity to do so, simply to explore, because oftentimes needs simply need. Needs simply need awareness and recognition. Yes, of course they need to be met. There are very basic needs that need to be met we need a house, we need food, we need water, we need sleep, we need income to be able to support these parts of our lives, et cetera, and beyond that.

Ellie: 28:24

Many times, on an emotional level, on a spiritual level, those needs can be there, but what they most need is witnessing. And so, as we witness ourselves, as we potentially explore being witnessed by others in our need, which can be extremely vulnerable, especially when we don't know if they're capable of meeting us in it or meeting it, we also have the awareness that it may not be meetable by a human or we may not be able to control it. And so is God, the divine universe, able to meet us in it? And oftentimes, when we're not able to meet ourselves and we don't feel either in a space to bring it to others or just others can't meet us in it, my prayer is just to lift up my need, like I don't know how this can be met, but I gotta lift it up to you because I don't have any way of meeting it myself.

Ellie: 29:24

There's a very deep place of vulnerability of simply acknowledging, layer after layer as we go deeper into our journeys, with grief and not with grief this I came into this from a grief angle, but it is a prerequisite to really being able to do this in grief anyways, to be in a place where we can say and claim what our needs are without the expectation that they will always be met. It's a very, very, very vulnerable thing always be met. It's a very, very, very vulnerable thing For me when I was exploring this, the first time I kind of stepped into my need exploration was about seven years ago and I was terrified terrified to even consider that I had needs like terrified and to even consider that I had all of these needs from the past that had never been met and that I had just skimmed over the top of or that I had needed to find a way through because they hadn't been met. And I usually just found it by squashing them down and trying to be somebody that didn't need anything from anybody else.

Ellie: 30:44

And oftentimes grief or broken open moments or whatever it is that brings you into deeper relationship with yourself, requires us to go through a gentle or not gentle version of reclamation, reclaiming each of these things, reclaiming the foundation of our humanness, which is neediness. So just take a second now it looks like Allison already did this, but if you're watching the replay, just take a second now and let's come back to that question of awareness and awareness of what needs might be present right now, and then let's just step into acknowledgement, like that is a real need, that is a real need. I see that this is valid, this is real, this is legit, and I'm so sorry if this hasn't been met in the past. I'm so sorry that it has not been met. And standing here now, in relationship to that need, we can ask is this a need I am able to meet? And if it's a no, that's okay. Is this a need other people are able to meet? And, as you sit with it, it might be a no too. And if it's a no-two, that's okay.

Ellie: 32:31

And any needs that are unmeetable in our humanness, just lifting them up to the unknown, lifting them up to the mystery, to God. I know every person in here has their own relationship with the divine and or is in their exploration of their relationship to the divine, and so sometimes just saying like I don't know, I'm just lifting this up to whatever's there because I don't know how to meet this, but then just taking the moment to sit with, what is it like to really sit with this need, to recognize it, to affirm it and then to be open to the potentials that it's not meetable, but to be aware of that? And just in that act, in my experience, we begin to disconnect a little bit more or decouple that's a better word, decouple, uncouple from the solving brain, because a lot of the times when needs arise and when needs come up, we are spurred into our I don't know, I'm number one here Intellect, one here, intellect, my intellect goes crazy trying to solve it and figure it out. And so when we go through this process of can I meet this personally? Are others going to be able to meet it? Is there actually somebody that would help me with this? And then, if there's a no to all of these things, can I just lift this up?

Ellie: 34:01

And as we go through the act of that and kind of the surrender of it, while still being in relationship to the need, in my experience we begin to create space to experience the need on a deeper level, in a different way, potentially on an emotional level, potentially from a place of spiritual, inner wisdom, because our mind has no longer hijacked it as its project that it is trying to solve. And so what is it like for you to simply sit with that, to sit with that process right now? I'll walk you through it again. What needs are present right now, what needs are asking to be seen and known and acknowledged, and just really feeling that need and feeling where it might be located in your body, how it's speaking to you, what it feels like. Then, give space for anything that might be swelling up with it. Are there images from the past, or memories from the past, or emotions from the past? Or sometimes even in my experience, as I simply recognized my needs, I ended up realizing how long they had been there without being acknowledged and I just felt so much immense inner grief and sadness that it had been there the whole time.

Ellie: 36:15

So just giving space to what the experience of actually seeing and being in relationship with your needs is and letting any emotion be there and then, parallel to that, just letting the emotion stay We'll come back to it in a moment and checking in with is this a need that I can meet right now? Is there any way I can turn towards this part of myself and step in and step in If there is, explore that lean into that. How can you do that? And if not, just take a moment to sit with the reality of the no. What does it feel like to not be able to meet your own needs? It might feel helpless or hopeless. Maybe there's peace here, maybe it's okay. There's a whole range of things that might exist here.

Ellie: 38:04

And then taking a breath and asking is this a need that anybody else can meet? Is there anyone in my life that is able to potentially meet this need? If I were to voice it to them and to share it with them from a really like open place and see if somebody comes up and if there is somebody, take a moment to explore. And if there is somebody, take a moment to explore. Oh, what would it be like to step out and vulnerably state this need to them From a really a place of love for myself and love for them? What would it be like to advocate for myself in this way? And if the answer is no, there's nobody that can meet this need, let's sit with that that can be big.

Ellie: 39:37

Sometimes these needs are like I need this to happen or I need this to change now because I don't feel like I have the capacity to keep going like this or whatever it is, and sometimes, as we just state the need, we realize it's unmeetable by other humans. There's nothing anybody can tangibly do in this moment to satisfy this and to to not even satisfy, fulfill this need. There can be just a cavern of emotion in this and there could be peace too. It could feel devastating and really scary to just hold this in yourself in your heart, scary to just hold this in yourself in your heart, something that nor you nor any other human can change in this moment or fulfill or meet in this moment. And also there can be this deep connection to the greater part of us in this space, to the greater part of us in this space, to the vast non-humanness, while we are very clearly in a human moment, and then taking a breath and lifting any unmet needs, unmet pieces, up to the divine, up to the heavens, out to the universe, up to God, however, and out to God.

Ellie: 41:29

However you want to do this, just surrendering it to the unknown. I'm just going to give a moment of silence for you to experience this and to see what comes as you do this, thank you. Thank you for listening to transformed by grief. Please take a moment to rate, review and subscribe to the show and to share it with a loved one that needs this medicine today. If you are ready to deepen into your own Transformed by Grief process, you can join the sanctuary membership or work with me one-on-one at eliflocom. See you soon.


Episode Music credit:
Embrace by Sappheiros | https://soundcloud.com/sappheirosmusic
Music promoted on https://www.chosic.com/free-music/all/
Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported (CC BY 3.0) https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

Ellie Thomas 10/8/24 Ellie Thomas 10/8/24

Ep #26. Embracing the Void: Healing, Rejuvenation, and New Beginnings {Podcast}

Unlock the transformative power of grief with me as we journey through the three major energies that shape our healing process after profound loss. This episode of Transformed by Grief guides you in rebuilding a vibrant and joyful life, even after being shattered by pain. You'll gain insights into embracing life's inevitable voids and transitions, fostering a loving relationship with yourself and your grief, and finding your footing amid uncertainty. Experience the shift from release to rejuvenation, and discover how to embrace new beginnings with consciousness and intention.

Full Episode Show Notes

The non-linear path of healing
The energies that guide us into stillness, rejuvenation, and stepping into new opportunities
How our first encounters with deep voids can redefine our approach to future challenges
The art of orienting to new beginnings, unraveling survival modes, and embracing a state of openness

The conscious reorientation this episode introduces is an ongoing journey of healing and transformation, allowing you to welcome life's possibilities with renewed excitement and faith with time.

If you want to dive into the dynamics of transformation even more, go back and listen to episode #6. If you want to learn more about the power of energetic and emotional release, go back and listen to episode #5.

I would love to hear what arises for you as you listen, and anything specific you'd like to hear on the show. Shoot me a note via email (hello@ellieflow.com), or respond to the episode directly via the feature on your podcast app.

Ready for deep, intimate 1:1 support? Begin here.

Join The Sanctuary Membership here.

Moving through an inner or outer shift or transition? Access the Make Space for the New Workshop for immediate support.

Tap into more medicinal nuggets on the podcast: Listen Now.

Move through the latest Grief Flow on your own time here.

Listen on Apple Podcasts Listen on Spotify Listen on Amazon Music RSS Feed Listen on Google Podcasts Listen on iHeartRadio


Episode Music credit:
Embrace by Sappheiros | https://soundcloud.com/sappheirosmusic
Music promoted on https://www.chosic.com/free-music/all/
Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported (CC BY 3.0) https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

Ellie Thomas 10/7/24 Ellie Thomas 10/7/24

Presence: An Exploration + Meditation to Drop into Your Body and Heart {Podcast}

This bonus episode shares the audio from a recent IG live I led on presence, how it is our gateway to life, its connection with the heart and its role in moving through seasons filled with deep emotion, the reasons the mind/intellect can keep us distracted instead of present, and how to begin to work with yourself to invite presence in.

Full Episode Show Notes

I would love to hear what arises for you as you listen, and anything specific you'd like to hear on the show. Shoot me a note via email (hello@ellieflow.com), or respond to the episode directly via the feature on your podcast app.

Ready for deep, intimate 1:1 support? Begin here.

Join The Sanctuary Membership here.

Moving through an inner or outer shift or transition? Access the Make Space for the New Workshop for immediate support.

Tap into more medicinal nuggets on the podcast: Listen Now.

Move through the latest Grief Flow on your own time here.

Listen on Apple Podcasts Listen on Spotify Listen on Amazon Music RSS Feed Listen on Google Podcasts Listen on iHeartRadio


Episode Music credit:
Embrace by Sappheiros | https://soundcloud.com/sappheirosmusic
Music promoted on https://www.chosic.com/free-music/all/
Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported (CC BY 3.0) https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

Ellie Thomas 10/2/24 Ellie Thomas 10/2/24

Ep #25. The podcast has a new name, welcome to Transformed by Grief {Podcast}

It's episode 25 and the show is taking a new step as a guiding light and leader in Transformational Grief Work. Tune in to hear about this evolution, what being Transformed by Grief means, and what you can expect.

Full Episode Show Notes

I would love to hear what arises for you as you listen, and anything specific you'd like to hear on the show. Shoot me a note via email (hello@ellieflow.com), or respond to the episode directly via the feature on your podcast app.

Ready for deep, intimate 1:1 support? Begin here.

Join The Sanctuary Membership here.

Moving through an inner or outer shift or transition? Access the Make Space for the New Workshop for immediate support.

Tap into more medicinal nuggets on the podcast: Listen Now.

Move through the latest Grief Flow on your own time here.


Episode Music credit:
Embrace by Sappheiros | https://soundcloud.com/sappheirosmusic
Music promoted on https://www.chosic.com/free-music/all/
Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported (CC BY 3.0) https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

Ellie Thomas 6/22/24 Ellie Thomas 6/22/24

Big Updates To The Sanctuary Membership

I am so excited to share some amazing Sanctuary Membership updates with you!

In mid-winter, I got the nudge to start creating a space where you can sink into your own sacred tending, liberated expression process, with deep, heart-centered support as you walk through the highs and lows of your journey.

Each month has brought refinement and updating, and while the doors opened almost a month ago, that process has not ceased…

I am so excited to share some amazing Sanctuary Membership updates with you!

In mid-winter, I got the nudge to start creating a space where you can sink into your own sacred tending, liberated expression process, with deep, heart-centered support as you walk through the highs and lows of your journey.

Each month has brought refinement and updating, and while the doors opened almost a month ago, that process has not ceased! The energy of Spring carried The Sanctuary into form, and this week, as we crossed the threshold into Summer, beautiful CLARITY + SIMPLICITY flooded in around the most alive ways to support each member as you enter and grow in this community.

So, starting NOW, there are a few essential (and really abundant feeling) changes going into effect in the membership:

WHAT'S NEW & CHANGING:

#1

The Oasis + Bliss membership tiers have been blended together to create one amazing offering. Now, all members have access to ALL OF THE CALLS each month, including the group coaching/mentorship calls.

#2

There will now be 3 Live Sacred Tending Group Coaching Calls offered each month + 1 Live Grieve + Release Flow call per month for maximum support and guidance.

You can explore each call type here. All calls will be recorded if you can't join live.

#3

Starting tomorrow (6/23) at 5pm ET / 4pm CT / 2pm PT the updated founding member price (lasting through 8/14) will be increasing to $55/month.

So, from now on, as a member, you'll now have access to:

+ 3 Live Sacred Tending group Coaching & Support Calls Each Month
90-120 minutes each, hosted on Zoom
Through guided self-inquiry, intuitive awareness, energetic exploration, and conscious emotional engagement these heart-opening, clarity inducing coaching and support calls will create space for your inner breakthroughs, multi-dimensional healing, and energetic shifts. I'll share reflections and teachings that feel relevant and then will guide you in working with any thoughts, emotions, energetic blocks and resistance arising in your life. As you explore and tend to the root of what’s occurring, you will tap into a renewal of authentic expression. There will be ample space to receive direct and tailored coaching around anything you’re desiring support around.

+ 1 Live Grief Flow Each Month
90ish minutes each, hosted on Zoom
A lot can come up each month as you consciously engage with your non-linear growth, becoming, healing, and soul-led evolution. Grief Flow calls give space for any grief or other emotions moving within to process through your body and energy. With meditation, intuitive movement, journaling, and space to be witnessed and supported, you will access renewed opening, freedom, reverence, and intuitive guidance through all parts of your process. These calls are extremely powerful if you are actively grieving the loss of a loved one, as well as if you are simply feeling a lot as they move through your life and path (the challenges and the beauty). They will deepen you into greater compassion, self-acceptance and self-love, and connection with yourSelf and Life.

+ A private, community forum to connect, share, integrate + ask questions
Walking a conscious and connected path with yourself and Life can feel lonely, so built into your membership is a community forum where you can ask questions, share reflections, dreams, edges you’re coming up against, healing moments, and more. This is also a place where I'll pop in weekly to offer extra support and reflections between calls.

+ Intuitively shared bonuses
Including but not limited to discounts on other EllieFlow offerings, intuitively shared bonus podcast episodes, special bonus events throughout the year, + more!

*All live calls will be recorded and you will have access to the recordings within 48hrs after the call, incase you can’t make it live.

You can explore The Sanctuary more here.

When you join, you'll also have immediate access to the full audio + video recordings to ALL sessions so far, both Sacred Tending Mentorship calls and Grief Flows, begin exploring immediately.

Both calls types are extremely powerful and nourishing, and will leave you feeling more connected to your wholeness, renewed clarity, and permission to be exactly where you are on your path (an important key to transformation that is often overlooked!).

Also, one great thing about this update to The Sanctuary is that you will be able to join the monthly Grieve + Release Flows even if you're not a member! The price for non-members to join will be $33/flow starting in July. I'll share more as the next one approaches.

Feeling the call to 1:1 work? Begin here.

Join The Sanctuary Membership here.

Moving through an inner or outer shift or transition? Access the Make Space for the New Workshop for immediate support.

Tap into more medicinal nuggets on the podcast: Listen Now.

Move through the latest Grief Flow on your own time here.

Listen on Apple Podcasts Listen on Spotify Listen on Amazon Music RSS Feed Listen on Google Podcasts Listen on iHeartRadio

Ellie Thomas 6/17/24 Ellie Thomas 6/17/24

Grief Flows: Allow Yourself To Grieve + Heal

Grief Flows are an essential part of The Sanctuary because every time you say yes to grief or deep emotion, you create space for healing and evolution – as you engage, energy is liberated and the next wave, action, or state of being that wants to come through is allowed to emerge and lead you forward…

Every time you allow yourself to grieve backwards, forwards, present in time, you heal backwards, forwards, present in time.

Every second you open to a seemingly gentle or catastrophic feeling wave of grief, pain or even joy and pleasure, you allow your energy to come more current to this moment, to the YOU you are right now. You allow in more sensation, connection, and openness to life.

Grief and other deep emotions are so easy to overlook or override in this world, but every time you recognize them, every time you name them and allow them to reveal themselves to you more wholly – every time you answer the door to say hello when they knock, and then invite them in for even a moment – your trust in your ability to meet yourSelf and life more fully grows.

Your trust in your ability to open to love and evolution transforms.

Whether you are actively grieving a loss or simply can feel a lot of energy and emotion (anywhere on the spectrum) alive in your life right now, Grief Flows invite presence, love, and reverence to the fullness of your current experience, and create space for you to move with anything that is ready to be processed and transmuted, so the next layer of embodiment, clarity, permission, healing or freedom can emerge.

Through meditation, intuitive movement, journaling, witnessing and support, you will tap into your own intuitive guidance and connect with renewed lightness and freedom within. These calls will support you in deepening into greater compassion, acceptance and love (for yourself and beyond).

Grief Flows are now happening monthly in The Sanctuary (Join as a founding member for $55/month) and non-members are also able to join for $33 per Flow.

Become member here (for weekly calls and support) or sign up for the next Grief Flow as a non-member here.

EXPLORE THE SANCTUARY MEMBERSHIP

The Sanctuary was designed to be your sacred place to arrive, exhale, and fully BE – to exit out of any reality that has you feeling drained, disconnected, un-met, numb, striving, surviving, dull or uncentered so you can enter into the vibrancy of your being and process, no matter what highs or lows you are navigating.

As you step into this oasis, you instantly reconnect with your Self – Mind, Body, & Spirit – so you can access the presence, wisdom, clarity, healing, and possibility alive within.

This is your space to anchor into your heart and evolution, so that you can walk more fully in the world,

OFFERING AND RECEIVING ALL THAT YOU CAME HERE FOR.

**While there is absolutely no commitment required when joining the sanctuary, I do recommend considering being a member for at least 3 months, as this is deep and potent work, which will meet you in your process week after week with tremendous support. This is NOT a quick fix, but a beautiful process of releasing, restoring, and becoming, and there is no pre-determined timeline for this!

Feeling the call to 1:1 work? Begin here.

Join The Sanctuary Membership here.

Moving through an inner or outer shift or transition? Access the Make Space for the New Workshop for immediate support.

Tap into more medicinal nuggets on the podcast: Listen Now.

Move through the latest Grief Flow on your own time here.

Listen on Apple Podcasts Listen on Spotify Listen on Amazon Music RSS Feed Listen on Google Podcasts Listen on iHeartRadio

Ellie Thomas 6/12/24 Ellie Thomas 6/12/24

The Sanctuary Membership Opening Ceremony {Free Acess}

You can now access an audio-only version of the The Sanctuary Membership opening call here (free). This was an incredibly beautiful call that felt like a nourishing yet activating ceremony to awaken the fullness and shifts that are ready to be felt and lived through the members.

Right before we began, I was doing some automatic writing and the message that came through was, “Walk in love – in the love that fills and leads you – and allow yourself to be fully here, for this is a beautiful beginning.” At first I thought the message was just for me, but as the call unfolded, it became clear it was for the whole community and I want to share it with you.

Walk in love – in the love that fills you and leads you – and allow yourself to be fully here, for this is a beautiful beginning.

You can now access an audio-only version of the The Sanctuary Membership opening call here (free). This was an incredibly beautiful call that felt like a nourishing and gently activating ceremony to awaken the fullness and shifts that are ready to be felt and lived through the members.

Right before we began, I was doing some automatic writing and the message that came through was, “Walk in love – in the love that fills and leads you – and allow yourself to be fully here, for this is a beautiful beginning.” At first I thought the message was just for me, but as the call unfolded, it became clear it was for the whole community and I want to share it with you.

In the recording, I lead you through a process of growing your awareness, understanding and sensational connection to your physical and energetic bodies, your intellect, your emotional self, and your Higher/Soul self (or Greater Being), as well as how they all interact and move together.

This is a basis for the on-going inner mastery work that will be explored in our future Sacred Tending, Liberated Expression calls in The Sanctuary. You'll get a feel for how your energy, state, and being is ready to shift as you engage it more wholly. Think more spaciousness and fluidity!

Normally, these recordings will only be available to members, so I edited out the parts where I worked directly with a member feeling like grief and pain had blocked her connection to her Soul Self.

It is 1hr and 11minutes long, and requests presence, so my suggestion would be to engage while on a connective solo-walk, or while sitting down with a journal and pen in a safe and quiet space. Bask in the beauty ready to unfold within you, and within The Sanctuary. You can listen from any device.

Get access here by pressing the GET NOW button and putting in your info, and you will be granted free access to the edited audio version of the call for 48hrs (the 48hrs begins the moment you gain access).

EXPLORE THE SANCTUARY MEMBERSHIP

As you step into this oasis, you instantly reconnect with your Self – Mind, Body, & Spirit – so you can access the presence, wisdom, clarity, healing, and possibility alive within.

This is your space to anchor into your heart and evolution, so that you can walk more fully in the world,

OFFERING AND RECEIVING ALL THAT YOU CAME HERE FOR.

WHAT YOU'LL FIND INSIDE

MONTHLY SACRED TENDING + LIBERATED EXPRESSION CALLS

90 MINS, LIVE + ALWAYS RECORDED

MONTHLY GRIEVE + RELEASE FLOWS

90 MINS, LIVE + ALWAYS RECORDED

MONTHLY MENTORSHIP CALLS (FOR BLISS LEVEL MEMBERS ONLY)

90-120 MINS, LIVE + ALWAYS RECORDED

A COMMUNITY FORUM TO SHARE, ASK QUESTIONS, & CONNECT

WITH WEEKLY SUPPORT CHECK-INS FROM ME

INTUITIVELY SHARED BONUSES

LIKE DISCOUNTS, PRIVATE PODCASTS EPISODES, SPECIAL EVENTS THROUGHOUT THE YEAR + MORE

FEEL INTO IT ALL HERE

JUNE 2024 CALL SCHEDULE

*Every call will be hosted on Zoom, recorded and uploaded within 48hrs if you are unable to join live

OPENING SACRED TENDING + LIBERATED EXPRESSION CALL: LAYING THE FOUNDATION

Wednesday, June 5th @ 5pm ET / 2pm PT

GRIEVE + RELEASE FLOW

Wednesday, June 19th @ 5pm ET / 2pm PT

BLISS MEMBER MENTORSHIP CALL

Thursday, June 27th @1pm ET / 10am PT

BECOME A FOUNDING MEMBER

Feeling the call to 1:1 work? Begin here.

Join The Sanctuary Membership here.

Moving through an inner or outer shift or transition? Access the Make Space for the New Workshop for immediate support.

Tap into more medicinal nuggets on the podcast: Listen Now.

Listen on Apple Podcasts Listen on Spotify Listen on Amazon Music RSS Feed Listen on Google Podcasts Listen on iHeartRadio

Ellie Thomas 6/7/24 Ellie Thomas 6/7/24

The Untold Unraveling that Catalyzed IT ALL, part 3 (My Story)

Part 3 of my written story is finally ready (down below)!

The first 6 months after my mom died were a strange combination of feelings and energies: relief, shock, disorientation, aimlessnes, ungroundedness, exhaustion, as well as incredible presence, moments of joy, hope, and new life.

I now understand something I wasn’t able to understand at the time…

Part 3 of my written story is finally ready (down below)! Also, coming out soon on the podcast is a greater exploration of my background (the part leading up to the unraveling that I've been writing and sharing about), as well as an episode where my sister interviews me! I'll let you know when those are out! If you haven't read Part 1, you can find it here. If you haven't read Part 2, you can find it here.

The Untold Unraveling, Part 3

Here's where we left off:

On February 19th, 2021, she died, and a whole new level of unraveling began.

I now understand something I wasn’t able to understand at the time – if you are spiritually inclined, walking with someone in the last weeks, days, and moments of their life - sitting with them as they take their final breaths - connects you to a dimension much beyond the human realm. It is exhilarating, beyond mental comprehension (but powerfully felt in the heart and body), clarifying, and also, for me, required a bumpy ‘return to Earth’ process.

As I slowly grounded into this new reality without her, nothing that mattered before seemed to mater anymore. Within a month, it was clear to me that I needed to get off of social media and take a sabbatical from work.

I found myself unsure of who I was and what I wanted to do. Approaching the death portal with my mom, then letting her go while we stayed behind, stripped me down to my raw core. It was simultaneously liberating, terrifying, hopeful, and deeply uncomfortable. Anything inauthentic wasn’t an option anymore. I had no room left for trying to maintain any certain image or false notion of value. I began showing up as I was, sharing myself more openly, including my pain and undone-ness.

Whatever I had already grieved before she died (a lot), I had to grieve all over again. I grieved backward, forwards, and present in time. For the parts of my relationship with her that would now never experience full freedom in the physical. For the thousands of me’s I was yet to become that wouldn’t be able to call her to talk. For the precious time that now had to be enough, even though it didn’t feel like it was.

About 6 months after she died, I hit a level of exhaustion I had never experienced before. It was lonely, and the sense of uncertainty still loomed so great. I had to surrender over and over to what I began to call my ‘attuned pace’ - focusing on BEINGinstead of DOING on a whole new level, with trust that it was enough even though I didn’t feel like I fit at all with what others expected or desired for/from me. I had support, and also, I learned how to sit with myself in my deeply unraveled, uncertain, “unfixable” state. Many days I resisted it, many days I accepted it was going to take me longer than I wanted to release the 25 years I had feared my mom’s death to Cancer from my body and being.

Interestingly enough, around the same time, a client was referred to me and we began working together. Our sessions were a highlight of my weeks, an anchor point for the Greater me, for the purpose and flow that still lived within but had been hard to remember in darkness of grief.

After a tumultuous first birthday and holiday season, late January 2022 seemed to bring some of the renewed energy, hope and focus I had been yearning for. But then February, the one year anniversary month, brought a whole new level of grief energy that felt derailing. However, hitting the one year mark seemed to catapult us (me and my whole family) into a new stage or grief and life.

Each new month began to nudge me out of my healing cocoon, and I very very slowly began to regain my energy more consistently. We traveled to Chile to see my in-laws for the first time since the pandemic, I went back to Yoga (and full-on cried the moment I stepped on my mat), and then a series of other travel plans and big initiations began with summer.

March through August felt like a full on rapid expansion of my capacity, and I began to understand how my sabbatical year and grief had amplified my capacity and being in tremendous ways. In the middle of that time period, I shared EllieFlow publicly in early June (I wrote a lot more about that for the 1st EllieFlow birthday last year, you can read it here).

The second half of 2022 was dedicated to integrating the expansion that had just ensued - integrating being visibly IN life again for the first time since the loss and pandemic. New waves of grief came, especially around never getting to be this growing, expanding version of me with my mom.

As I settled into myself more, one by one, business ideas starting coming back. Not surprisingly, the same ideas I had or implanted into my first business expression were returning, asking to be reborn from this more authentic place of service. The podcast, programs like Born Through Grief, and a future membership all swirled, but I knew it wasn’t quite time yet. So once again, I stayed the course of the season I was in the best I could (often wanting to be beyond where I was, before exhaling and grounding into right where I was again, with loving surrender to the timeline).

As the second year anniversary approached, I remember feeling so incredibly different from the year before, it was hard to grasp. I felt so much more alive. Accepting how much had been lost on the path to becoming more vibrant was painful.

On the day of the anniversary, I had a powerful spiritual moment at our yoga class, understanding my strength, resilience, and rebirth on a new level. That night I went to a Maggie Rogers concert and sang and danced my heart out, remembering how two winters before I had listened to her as I cried on the drives to and from visits with my mom in her final weeks.

After 2 years of cycling through the Release, Void, and Emergence phases of transformation that I teach about on this podcast episode, I was touching into the I AM ALIVE phase. What a RELIEF it was.

This past year(+) brought new layers of pain and uncertainty to move with, as well as the need to come to terms with what the past 5 years have been and required. I have deepened into the trust that I will experience the beautiful motherhood and career milestones my friends have, but it will be on a different timeline (MY timeline), in a different order than what’s considered “normal” by society.

Overall, it has been a year of grounding into the HERE I AM.

As my feet have planted more firmly back into my humanness, what were simply ideas swirling before slowly became tangible parts of life and work. First the podcast, then a call to own my sensitivity, wisdom, and impact more unabashedly, followed by invitation after invitation to hone my voice and truly claim my focus and desires without doubting myself, others in my life, or the possibilities.

In many moments I have prayed and waited, feeling my deepened relationship to the unknown supporting the uncertain moments. In others, I’ve said no to what’s not for me, and a bigger yes to what is. As I have, more delight, excitement, vision, and energy has been born within through the process.

The wild ride of life continues and I have no doubt will bring endless lessons and up levels (Part 4, 5, and 6 to come in the next few year 😉), and I continue to be humbled by what this journey has led me through so far.

While nothing, especially not losing my mom, is justifiable, I am immensely grateful for the pain that has pushed me to my edges and asked me to look it in the eyes, lovingly. I truly have been born and shaped through grief, and gifted more access to my fullness in the process.

Today I am honored to walk alongside others as they traverse their own dark valleys to reconnect to their Life and light.

Thank you for reading! If you feel called to share anything that’s stirring after sitting with this, please do! I absolutely LOVE hearing from you.

Feeling the call to 1:1 work? Begin here.

Hungry to deepen into your becoming with guidance and community? Join The Sanctuary Membership

Moving through an inner or outer shift or transition? Access the Make Space for the New Workshop for immediate support.

Tap into more medicinal nuggets on the podcast: Listen Now.

Listen on Apple Podcasts Listen on Spotify Listen on Amazon Music RSS Feed Listen on Google Podcasts Listen on iHeartRadio

Ellie Thomas 6/3/24 Ellie Thomas 6/3/24

Easeful Connection and Nourishment

I’m currently at the end of a trip to Colorado visiting some of my best friends from college. While I am not ready to leave them, I woke up today so excited to kick off this membership community with the first Sacred Tending + Liberated Expression call on Wednesday, at 5pm ET / 2pm PT.

I planned this to be a special opening call that helps you lay the foundation for cultivating a deep, intimate, loving relationship with yourself and life, in the joyous and painful times (and everything in between).

Have you taken a moment to feel into The Sanctuary Membership yet?! If not, I highly recommend doing so. This unique new offering is so rich and inviting, and the opportunity to join as founding member at an exclusive rate is something you will NOT want to miss!

I’m currently at the end of a trip to Colorado visiting some of my best friends from college. While I am not ready to leave them, I woke up today so excited to kick off this membership community with the first Sacred Tending + Liberated Expression call on Wednesday, at 5pm ET / 2pm PT.

I planned this to be a special opening call that helps you lay the foundation for cultivating a deep, intimate, loving relationship with yourself and life, in the joyous and painful times (and everything in between).

I will guide you through grounding into your physical and energetic body, dancing with your intellect (and all its stories), witnessing your emotional self with presence and compassion, and opening to your wise, inner knowing and essence.

It will feel easeful, connective, nourishing, and bring you into embodied fullness.

Any parts of you that have gone overlooked will be given permission to take up space, and the awareness of your inner world will support enlightened vision and understanding for how to move through this month in the most alive and true way for you.

Become a founding member and join me for this first call on Wednesday! (Everything will be recorded too so if you can’t make it live, you can engage on your own time).

From now until 6/19, you can join at the OASIS membership level for $33/month (normally $44/month), and at the BLISS membership level for $55/ month (normally $77/month).

As you step into this oasis, you instantly reconnect with your Self – Mind, Body, & Spirit – so you can access the presence, wisdom, clarity, healing, and possibility alive within.

This is your space to anchor into your heart and evolution, so that you can walk more fully in the world,

OFFERING AND RECEIVING ALL THAT YOU CAME HERE FOR.

WHAT YOU'LL FIND INSIDE

MONTHLY SACRED TENDING + LIBERATED EXPRESSION CALLS

90 MINS, LIVE + ALWAYS RECORDED

MONTHLY GRIEVE + RELEASE FLOWS

90 MINS, LIVE + ALWAYS RECORDED

MONTHLY MENTORSHIP CALLS (FOR BLISS LEVEL MEMBERS ONLY)

90-120 MINS, LIVE + ALWAYS RECORDED

A COMMUNITY FORUM TO SHARE, ASK QUESTIONS, & CONNECT

WITH WEEKLY SUPPORT CHECK-INS FROM ME

INTUITIVELY SHARED BONUSES

LIKE DISCOUNTS, PRIVATE PODCASTS EPISODES, SPECIAL EVENTS THROUGHOUT THE YEAR + MORE

FEEL INTO IT ALL HERE

JUNE 2024 CALL SCHEDULE

*Every call will be hosted on Zoom, recorded and uploaded within 48hrs if you are unable to join live

OPENING SACRED TENDING + LIBERATED EXPRESSION CALL: LAYING THE FOUNDATION

Wednesday, June 5th @ 5pm ET / 2pm PT

GRIEVE + RELEASE FLOW

Wednesday, June 19th @ 5pm ET / 2pm PT

BLISS MEMBER MENTORSHIP CALL

Thursday, June 27th @1pm ET / 10am PT

BECOME A FOUNDING MEMBER

Feeling the call to 1:1 work? Begin here.

Join The Sanctuary Membership here.

Moving through an inner or outer shift or transition? Access the Make Space for the New Workshop for immediate support.

Tap into more medicinal nuggets on the podcast: Listen Now.

Listen on Apple Podcasts Listen on Spotify Listen on Amazon Music RSS Feed Listen on Google Podcasts Listen on iHeartRadio

Ellie Thomas 5/29/24 Ellie Thomas 5/29/24

Welcome to The Sanctuary Membership

The Sanctuary Membership is here!

This is your space to BE present with yourSelf and Life.

This is your space to be transformed as it awakens new and greater aspects of your being.

The Sanctuary Membership doors are open!!

The Sanctuary first came to me in the depths 2021, the year after my mom died. I imagined a place where everyone on a transformational journey, or that desired to engage with their path and Self consciously, could come together in community to meet, tend, and move with ALL of life – the seasons of joy, expansion and excitement, AND the seasons of heartbreak, pain an grief (and the seasons where it all layered together).

I was obviously not in a place to lead this space at that time, but over and over, the energy of The Sanctuary has shown me how instrumental and important it is, and has continued to reveal its updated shapes and forms throughout the seasons since.

This winter, talking with one of my best friends as she navigated a season of “liminal soup” (her brilliant words to describe the simultaneous season of grief and shedding, as well as emergence she was in), The Sanctuary clarified on a whole new level and it was clear now was the time to build and open this community.

The Sanctuary Membership offers so much richness, with two membership levels that offer at least two live, guided calls per month (and the option to join an additional 2hr group mentorship call for those that desire to work with me more closely).

I want to give you time and space to explore it all, so when you're ready,

grab a cup of something yummy and dive in.

Feeling the call to 1:1 work? Begin here.

Join The Sanctuary Membership here.

Moving through an inner or outer shift or transition? Access the Make Space for the New Workshop for immediate support.

Tap into more medicinal nuggets on the podcast: Listen Now.

Listen on Apple Podcasts Listen on Spotify Listen on Amazon Music RSS Feed Listen on Google Podcasts Listen on iHeartRadio

Ellie Thomas 5/28/24 Ellie Thomas 5/28/24

The Untold Unraveling that Catalyzed IT ALL, part 2 (My Story)

In the meantime, I've continued to write my story, and part 2 (of 3) is ready for you today. Finding words to share everything that was stirring within for me in 2020 was a challenge. It was a year of profound exploration and emergence, as well as terrifying unknowns for the world and our family.

Life is a portal for transformation. If we are willing to meet it with openness and reverence, if we are willing to make space to be with what’s here right now and trust, the next door on our path will open as we do.

Hi First name / there,

Guess what?! The Sanctuary Membership Doors are opening tomorrow (5/29) at 12pm Central Time! 🎉⛲️😭🙌🏻

I am so excited to welcome you in, to have this special realm and community for Sacred Tending and Liberated Expression available to you on your journey.

Tomorrow I will share all about it, including the special founding member pricing and our first LIVE Sanctuary Session happening next week!

So much was coming to life that didn't fit with the outer reality yet, but it was a profoundly beautiful year for me personally, as I touched into a sense of inner aliveness I had never accessed before. The seeds of who I am now, and the work I offer today with my clients, in programs, on the podcast, and in The Sanctuary, were defined and planted then, yet there was so much left to live before I could walk this path fully.

If you haven't read Part 1, you can find it here.

The Untold Unraveling, Part 2

Here's where we left off: Knowing that I LOVED working 1:1 with clients as a nutritionist, and was profoundly inspired and impacted by the transformational and energetic process I had been engaged in over the last few years, I began to dissolve my nutrition-focused work in late 2019 and was intuitively led to enroll in the Center for Transformational Coaching’s Deep Coaching Intensive (DCI) practitioner certification program in January 2020. A live cohort of 24 of us from all over the world began to meet weekly, taking two hour live classes each Wednesday evening. I’ll never forget Leon, the Center’s founder and renowned Deep Transformational Coach, introducing us to the philosophy of Deep Transformational Coaching in the first class, and my whole heart and being vibrating with “Woah, this is it, this is what I’m meant to do.”

One of the foundational philosophies of Deep Coaching that spoke to me immediately, and remains a foundation of everything I do and offer, is that our authentic, vibrant, Divine energy, our Spiritual Heart and wholeness (enter 5 thousand different possible names for this) exists at the core of our being already - who we are, our most true and vital nature is alive NOW within us. The role of the Deep Coach is to set the space with this recognition and sensitivity to (what I like to call) the ‘Greater Being’, without an agenda. Once the space is set, and the client has been guided into deeper connection, the coach invites the client to share what is arising for them, and trusts whatever is there is the perfect entrance to whatever needs tending, processing, releasing, etc.

As a session unfolds, a powerful energetic release and shift can occur, in organic timing. The client has space to unravel whatever conditioning, emotions, beliefs, pain, or blocks, and as they do, the natural flow of their being is liberated more and more. They can begin to embody their wholeness and effortless vitality – their light, essence…(whatever you like to call it). As this occurs more and more, a transformation of being - a return to the authentic Self - can begin to unfold, not only in their inner world, but in how they live, relate to, and approach all of Life.

(This is the root and essence of EllieFlow’s tagline, “Sacred Tending, Liberated Expression”.)

This philosophy described exactly what I had been living over the past 1.5 years, and I breathed this awareness in with incredible RELIEF! No force was needed, no mind based expectations or ideas of who I needed to be or what I needed to do were necessary (truly radial to someone that had been unconsciously calculating this my enter life previously). All that was required for continued transformation (for me and my future clients) was the willingness and space to connect with our core and release what was ready to go each week, to make space for what was ready to emerge.

With the freedom these awareness offered me, my multi-dimensional unraveling and opening deepened in a new way energetically, and in the physical I dove in head first to embracing business and life from the Heart.

Simultaneous to the DCI, my friend Sarah and I had created and began leading a mentorship community called the Well Together Collective for women entrepreneurs that craved support and community as they built wellness business that nourished their hearts and their families. I actively shifted my 1:1 work more toward coaching and away from nutrition, and I enrolled in my first program with Pilar Lesko, who quickly became another powerful mentor for me for years to come in the realm of creating, running a business, and leading from my authentic nature.

All three of these experiences were working together on me, on my humanness and my soul, inviting more of my heart to the forefront. I was beginning to tap into my gifts on a new level and own my intuitive and energetic sensitivities.

Ironically, as I was opening more and beginning to feel the beauty and renewed energy of my flow, the pandemic began and a global constriction was occurring. Less than a month later, in April 2020, my mom’s PET scan results showed more cancer growth and she rerouted her treatment plans in hope of continued life.

Another foundational practice of Deep Coaching is “expanding your capacity to be with pain”. What isn’t stated explicitly is that usually this capacity expands by meeting and opening to YOUR OWN pain with greater space, compassion, and acceptance. I had already begun to see how my own journey into intimacy with my pain and grief had cracked open my gift of extending loving, agenda-free space to others as they moved with their own, and this season of life was challenging and deepening my capacity in this way even more (and I had no idea how much more was to come in the years to follow).

I flowed between weeks of excitement as I accessed more of my being, weeks of hope and encouragement as I accompanied my mom to treatment weeks in Chicago, and weeks of fear and grief as we waited to see if her integrative chemo plan was working.

At the end of the summer that year, I took myself to a sunflower field for a “Joy Adventure”. I was in a season of leaning into the innocent joy of my being, which I had previously felt quite disconnected from. The idea to go on a date with myself to the flower field arose through a vision I had during Deep Coaching session, so, I set a date, told my husband I was going to be gone for the day, and bought myself a pair of garden sheers.

I put on my favorite playlist as I drove, bought an espresso over ice from my favorite coffee shop, and drove to commune with the flowers. When I arrived, I was already feeling tender, present, and free, my only focus for the day placed on following the inklings of desire, joy, and expansion that moved through me.

I will never forget that day – it still marks an important moment and shift in my being and awakening. Nothing flashy or big happened on the outside, but a part of me came back to life as I sat among the flowers and listened to the hum of nature and humans collide.

I heard a little girl state from the next field over, “I just love places like this”. Her words hit me right in the heart, and tears of pain, gratitude, and healing waved through me. Afterward, I drove to Lake Michigan and sprawled under the historic trees at the park, more tears flowing as an energetic shift I still can’t explain ensued.

The next few months catered, yet again, to a deepening of my exploration and embodiment of the inner transformation underway. I studied meditation and breathwork and became certified as a facilitator, and simply stayed the course of everything that had already been initiated.

Many moments of Life showed me how much I'd grown, how different (yet more myself) I felt, and how my ability to engage with both painful and joyful moments was amplified. In November, as my 32nd birthday came and went, I found myself ready to bring the new program and the creations that were brewing in my heart to fruition, even though uncertainty loomed in so many corners of my life.

As the year came to a close, unprecedented moments of healing happened in my relationship with my mom, yet in retrospect she was declining more than I was willing or able to see at the time. Again, my inner blossoming didn’t match much of what was happening around me. And yet, I leaned in to who I now was, and how I felt called be and live as much as I could.

From mid-December 2020 to early-January 2021, I led a 21-day program that felt so aligned and alive to bring forth, but as we crossed the threshold into the new year, my panic around my mom’s health and life increased. By late January I felt the call to put everything on pause to focus on being present for my family and with myself as she lived out the last weeks of her life with us by her side.

(If you would like to read more, I have written about this critical time period here.)

On February 19th, 2021, she died, and a whole new level dimension of my unraveling began.

Part 3 coming soon.

Feeling the call to 1:1 work? Begin here.

Join The Sanctuary Membership here.

Moving through an inner or outer shift or transition? Access the Make Space for the New Workshop for immediate support.

Tap into more medicinal nuggets on the podcast: Listen Now.

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Ellie Thomas 5/24/24 Ellie Thomas 5/24/24

The Untold Unraveling that Catalyzed IT ALL, part 1 (My Story)

As I've been working on the finishing touches of The Sanctuary this week, I've heard the whispers of its origins nudging me to share more of my story, more of the indirect yet profound weavings that line everything I do, and will be alive in every live call offering and moment of connection in this community.

I've been working on a podcast for you that goes in depth into my story and background for a while (it's a long one), but this week, high-level pieces of the ‘journey to here’ are asking to be shared...

This incredible membership space I've been creating is sooo close to throwing her doors open, to welcoming you into your new favorite landing place to be, tend, liberate, and transform.

I've been working on a podcast for you that goes in depth into my story and background for a while (it's a long one), but this week, high-level pieces of the ‘journey to here’ are asking to be shared. As your guide in this sacred space of exploration, I have been molded and transformed through my own journey with pain, inner-collapse, and subsequent awakening, remembering and becoming over the last 6.5 years – just as the members of The Sanctuary will be, in their own way.

So, heeding the call, I share with you part 1 of my writings, the untold unraveling that began within, in my late 20's, and potency and power of the last 6.5 years.

As you read, take note of what comes up for you, of what pieces of your own story raise their hand to be witnessed and acknowledged more deeply.

I'd love to hear from you if you feel called to share.

More to come in the coming days, as The Sanctuary Membership is fully unveiled and ready to welcome you in.

Join my mailing list to be the first to know when doors open

The Untold Unraveling, Part 1

In early 2016, a few months after my mom’s 3rd diagnosis with Breast Cancer, I began to unravel on all layers - mind, body, soul. It was a very painful inward time that I didn’t feel I could share with many people, as I still felt the need to uphold the strength, poise, self-sufficiency, steadiness and determination I had always used to mask my pain, grief, and fear, and to ease the worry, fear, and anxiety of my closest loved ones.

My body was screaming at me to soften and release, overcome with fatigue and stress rashes on my neck and eyelids, as I did everything I could to hold my emotions in and power through. But no matter how hard I tried to keep it together, I could feel my inner dam cracking more and more with each passing day, no longer able to contain the profound level of emotion and energy that was asking to be acknowledged and worked with. The moment anyone engaged with me even slightly beyond surface level, tears would start streaming down my face and a rock would form in my throat.

Through a series of events, I was referred to a Anthroposophic Therapist named Paz (Peace, in Spanish), and a profound unraveling that would take years to move through began.

Each week for about a year, as I met with Paz, I cried and cried, releasing the tears I had held in for years - the frozen, braced energy of restraint softening little by little. I now recognize how powerful of a space holder she was (something I didn’t have words for at the time, let alone ability to recognize that same space holding presence beginning to awaken within me), seeing into my heart and soul, and simultaneously making space for my humanness.

In Autumn of 2018, after moving to the US with my Chilean husband, finishing my training as a holistic nutritionist and beginning my first business, and then witnessing my mom go through her first summer of agressive chemotherapy, I collapsed internally. My first completely ‘broken open moment’ was underway.

Miraculously, in the same season, I met the woman that would become my long-time coach and mentor, Rebecca. As we had our first sessions together, and began to pull apart the inner pieces, she offered me acknowledgment of the anticipatory grief I had harbored around my mother’s health for 20 years - receiving the gift of “Ellie, this is grief” for the first time (ever) was indescribably healing, and my conscious walk with grief slowly began.

At the time, I still didn’t understand how important what was happening would be in my story - I could feel that I had no other choice but to turn toward my messy-feeling inner landscape, but I had no idea how doing so was laying the foundation for the most profound inner transformation, which would ultimately completely shift my energy and how I move through my life and the world.

I had no idea that as I embraced each layer of grief, pain, fear, and resistance I had been pushing past for years, my natural flow of energy, connection to my intuition and greater gifts, purpose, creativity, joy and playful, wise and light-filled spirit would finally have the space to reside in my body and being.

After about a year of intensive guided inner exploration and healing, of heart-opening and deep learning about who I was beyond the protection tactics I had identified with for years, I began to see that my career as a nutritionist had been formed as a sacred, yet fear-based, defense mechanism, hoping to save my mom’s life from Cancer. Upon this realization, I immediately knew nutrition was not my path forward, and that I was called to embrace life from a place of love and authenticity, instead of fear and control.

My work with Rebecca continued and we dove deep into the on-going grief and uncertainty of my mom’s health, my relationship to work and productivity, my sense of value and worth, the spiritual, soul-full curiosities that were bubbling to the surface, the ways I related to Life, and my true Ellie beingness - my true EllieFlow.

Knowing that I LOVED working 1:1 with clients as a nutritionist, and was profoundly inspired and impacted by the transformational and energetic process I had been engaged in over the last few years, I began to dissolve my nutrition-focused work in late 2019 and was intuitively led to enroll in the Center for Transformational Coaching’s Deep Coaching Intensive practitioner certification program in January 2020.

A live cohort of 24 of us from all over the world began to meet weekly, taking two hour live classes each Wednesday evening. I’ll never forget Leon, the Center’s founder and renowned Deep Transformational Coach, introducing us to the philosophy of Deep Transformational Coaching in the first class, and my whole heart and being vibrated with “Woah, this is it, this is what I’m meant to do.”

Part 2 coming soon.

Feeling the call to 1:1 work? Begin here.

Moving through an inner or outer shift or transition? Access the Make Space for the New Workshop for immediate support.

Tap into more medicinal nuggets on the podcast: Listen Now.

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Ellie Thomas 5/12/24 Ellie Thomas 5/12/24

Your beingness is more than enough.

If you are grieving your relationship to your mother or child, the loss of a mother, child, or pregnancy, not being a mother, anticipating the loss of your mother, being in a different season of life than the mommas in your life, or feeling any other of the many other ‘grey areas of grief’ and pain that can arise today, I see you and am with you. May you you have space to move with all that is present today.

If you are craving some guided tending on your own time today, this morning's Grief Flow Ceremony was intimate and rich, and the replay is now available.

First of all, if you are a Momma, Happy Mother's Day! I hope you feel loved, recognized, nourished, and given space to connect with your wholeness today!

If you are craving some guided tending on your own time today, this morning's Grief Flow Ceremony was intimate and rich, and the replay is now available.

The recording is 70 minutes long. The experience begins with a short centering meditation and then I ease you into 30 minutes of a guided, music-supported meditative and movement practice that will deepen you into presence with, and release of, any emotion that is moving. The last 30 minutes of the flow lead you through a beautiful, heart-connected integration of your experience and this Mother's Day.

While I can never predict what exactly will arise for you in this process, a common thing I hear afterward is, “This is exactly what I needed today.” It is medicinal to the heart, body and soul.

ACCESS THE REPLAY

During the Grief Flows, I am always listening for messages that want to come through. Today, half way through, the phrase “Your beingness is more than enough" popped in.

This is a phrase that 2.5 years ago really stuck out to me in an email I received amidst the dark feeling second half of my first year without my mom. I was feeling exhausted and wanting to be beyond where I was in my grief journey, and this phrase invited me into presence and acceptance with exactly where I was.

I shared it with one of my close friends, and she often texts it to me on hard days still.

Today it arose again for all.

May you feel free to be as you are today. May you sense and connect with your wholeness and fullness, and all that is alive in you. May you know that your beingness is more than enough, today and everyday.

Sending you all of my love today,

Ellie

ACCESS THE MOTHER'S DAY GRIEF FLOW REPLAY

What is a Grief Flow Ceremony?

A Grief Flow Ceremony is a meditation and instrumental music based experience I created after the death of my mom. The event will begin with a short introduction and reflection, and then I will lead you in a guided meditation that connects you to your body and greater energy, and gives you space to connect with any grief as it is moving in and around you.

Once we are settled in a connected energy, I will press play on a curated playlist and will guide you in sensing how the music is awakening or soothing you and in following the intuitive expressions of your body as a way of engaging and processing with your emotions. The playlist lasts for 30ish minutes, and I guide you through the whole musical journey, giving cues and prompts where I am intuitively called to support your experience.

For some people, they will feel called to lie still as the music moves them inwardly. Others will feel the drive to get up and dance, write, paint, or engage actively in another way.

We will conclude with space for integration, sharing and witnessing.

As simple as it sounds, this process is extremely liberating, and truly beautiful beyond words.

+ Yesterday's podcast shares a lot more about what it will be like!

Feeling the call to 1:1 work? Begin here.

Moving through an inner or outer shift or transition? Access the Make Space for the New Workshop for immediate support.

Tap into more medicinal nuggets on the podcast: Listen Now.