EP #1. Introducing My New Podcast: The Fountain with Ellie Thomas

I have a really exciting announcement today - a project I have been playing with since mid-march is finally ready to be shared with you!

After 5 months of listening, exploring, advancing, and then retracting and refining until it felt more clear, The Fountain with Ellie Thomas Podcast is LIVE 🎉🎧✨.

The Becoming of The Fountain began months ago…

When I let go of the Deeply Nourished For Life podcast and took it off air in early 2021, I had no idea if another show would emerge with time or not.  Now, 2.5 years later, many of the elements that I originally engaged as part of my work with Deeply Nourished for Life and The Well Together Collective have re-emerged, asking to be shared, explored, and offered with the energy that now flows through me.

While it doesn't seem that surprising in hindsight, each time it happens feels pretty wild – like an old, long-lost friend arriving at my door after years of being out of touch, yet knowing the love has never faltered. There is catching up to do, new expression available on both ends, lots of questions and reflections to be entertained, and eagerness to get to know each other as we are now and see what can become of our re-union.

This new podcast first tapped me on the shoulder in early March of this year.  I had just taught a class on Sacred Grief, where I shared pieces of my walk with grief and its transformative nature in my life.  While I unconsciously knew there was exponential wisdom ready to be shared through me, it wasn't until the class finished that I had a clearer glimpse of just how much, and how eagerly it wanted be let out.

I believe that once embodied, wisdom and teachings don't need to be spoken to be shared and of service - our simple beingness can bestow them.  However,  as the internal treasure chest opened that day, I saw that each jewel would only multiply and take its fullest shape and form when I offered them to an external home – a place where those hungry could arrive, receive, connect and interact with the energy of the learnings, and then make them their own.  

As I played with the creation of a new podcast, at first I thought the show was meant to be purely grief focused. But as I began to record episodes on the topic, it didn't feel quite right.  Something felt flat, and while grief is never one dimensional (in my experience), focusing solely on it was too limited for what was in flow for this podcast. 

Over the past month, as I let go more fully of my original understanding, The Fountain appeared.  I chuckled to myself when it landed so clearly. Grief, and grief as transformational force in life, is a prominent part of my fountain and it will be part of the podcast flow, but it is just one piece of the whole and there is so much more ready to spill out.

ALL OF ME, ALL OF LIFE, AND ALL OF YOU WANTED TO BE WELCOMED INTO THIS NEW EXPERIENCE. 

As I say in the intro:

"This show is a place where we connect with our multi-dimensionality. With the Life, the living water flowing within us, through mind, body, Spirit, heart, and All. This show is a place where we explore it all, where we tap into wisdom that has surfaced through pain and joy, and the fullness of our journeys. This podcast is a place to come and remember, to sink back into, the living water that flows within you, and to be guided back to your fountain, your fullness, your wholeness."

I am so excited to birth this new space and share it with you. It feels out there in the perfect Ellie way, and aligned with my heart and fullness. I hope it brings you into your heart and fullness instantly as you listen and take it in.

I would love to hear what arises for you as you listen, and anything specific you'd like to hear more about on the show. 

I'd also be immensely grateful it you take a moment to share the show with someone that comes to heart or mind, and rate and review the it on your favorite listening platform!

P.S. This spring I also received the intuitive message that many of us that are meant to share our voices in a new wave of podcasting are feeling the tug on our hearts, or taps on our shoulders. If this is you, may this be encouragement to you to take your next step in the exploration.

My journey from Broken-open to More Myself

This morning I cried so. many. tears. Through the phone, my dad read me pieces of his journal from the weeks leading up to my mom’s death 2 years ago (almost to the date).  He beautifully recorded things I said, things Mom said, etc.  Then, I sent him photos I have of her from 6 days before she departed.

They are painful to look at, odd yet potent memories, and looking at them now I can see things I couldn't then - I can see she was so much further ‘advanced’ in her process at that point than I remember.   

What we couldn’t see or know then, for our own protection so we could stay hopeful and present, always amazes me.  There are so many deeply private and indescribable pieces of being with someone as they die, and in beginning the journey into a life without them. There is no way to prepare. Those weeks broke me open beyond words and understanding. I have been forever changed and carved by the past 2+ years.

One year ago I still felt like I was drowning in the dark many days - wondering who I was, what life would be - without vision for the future, and it scared the hell out of me.  At the same time I could also feel a very faint call to life that I was willing to keep holding on to as I surrendered to the void of grief.

I didn't know how to talk about it, nothing I could say felt profound enough to match everything I was feeling inside.   

The day before the 1st anniversary date last February, I was sitting in my sister's apartment in silence, taking a moment to reset after a particularly hard few days, and I felt a nudge that said “Stay present to the breaking open.”

I didn't quite understand it but I could feel the importance of once again inviting compassion into the heartbreak that was so palpable in and around me. I could feel the importance of allowing myself to be as I was, painfully blown open by love and loss, without needing to be glued back together again.

Last March, I felt like a baby being born, slowly exiting my grief cocoon with tiny (or not so tiny) steps I could commit to one-by-one; first a trip to Chile to be with our family.  While we were there, I was able to see myself from a new light as I realized that I had more energy and capacity than my fears and inner-protections had allowed me to see.  When we returned from our trip, I felt called to go back to yoga, and from there the next tiny steps unfolded. 

Each month of 2022 built on the previous, guiding me into deeper trust, surrender, and belief that while I would carry and honor my story and my mom very closely forever, through this experience new ways of being and living were available to me. And actually, most felt more alive and true to my being than life before (tangible) loss.

Today I am in awe of this on-going journey as I continue to hold space for the pain,  AND I feel free and open in my expressions of joy, creativity, curiosity, uncertainty and grief.  This is particularly beautiful, as I remember the 30+ years of my life when this wasn’t the case- when I was exhaustingly holding it all in, just trying to manage life and “keep it together”.

There are of course still moments when I feel the inner ‘crunchiness’ (contraction) of my system trying to suppress or numb, but after many years of practice and cultivation, I now know how to work with myself in every moment.  

I openly listen inward for the voice that is crying out in pain, despair, anger, or fear.  I welcome presence into those places because I trust myself with myself. 

I lead myself through the overwhelm and moments that make me want to harden, and follow my breath and pulse to guide me back my soft, open, Ellie Flow state. 

And when I get to parts I don’t know what to do with, I allow them be and invite Divine love to pour into those corners of myself.

I am imperfectly free to feel, and through the feeling the power of my energy-in-motion (emotion) releases.  As it does, space is liberated for a deeper connection with mySelf and Life, for more wholeness that is SO ALIVE I can feel it vibrating in my body, for More of Myself.

I’m so proud of the foundation I have cultivated.  With each day of the past many years, a new brick has been laid, and the More Myself experience was silently being created.  

It is such an honor to stand on solid ground today,  forever still ‘in process,’  and offer this container so that you can be held and guided in your broken-openness as you open to the faint call of life again.  I know there is so much available to you through what you have lived – pieces of yourself to release, and pieces of yourself to welcome in. 

I know that the foundation for your next steps forward, no matter how large or small, can be created with love and gentle intention, making space for all of you, at a pace that is born from your heart and body.

This is a sacred journey, one that probably feels scary (better read: TERRIFYING) to say yes to.  What if on the the other side of this terrifying step there was….

+ Safety to feel yourself and your experience fully.

+ Trust that you can learn to be with all of yourself - your pain, your joy, your dreams, your fears…all of it.

+ So much space and energy liberated in your body and being because you allowed yourself to release what you’ve been holding.

+ Belief that others in your life can meet you in your pain and in your joy.

+ Love and compassion for your past versions of self and who you are today.

+ Liberation in not needing to compartmentalize your life anymore because it can all flow together.

+ Creativity and (re)new(ed) vision (with time).

+ Confidence that you can move at your attuned pace, without pushing or force, and you will be in lock step with your soul.

While I can’t tell you exactly what awaits you (because only through your openness, capacity, and readiness will that be revealed), I believe you will be met, held, and guided exactly where you need to be. I believe you will be invited in to awe of yourSelf and process, and all that is possible.  

You are invited into a path of healing and freedom, and you will be supported and equipped every step of the way.

If you’re ready to say yes to the call into More of  Yourself, join me here.

~ 6 weekly calls starting Tuesday, including intimate guidance and tending, expansive teachings and coaching that will help you cultivate your new foundation for Life

~ $999 pay in full or 2 payments of $511

~ Hit reply for any questions.

Also, I recorded a great Instagram live yesterday with teachings and explorations of two foundational areas we will sink into during the first weeks of the program.  No matter where you find yourself today, I believe it will support and enlighten you in your process. 

You can watch the replay (even if you don't have social media) or listen to it in podcast form here!

The Power of Deep Coaching + walking a path of committed limitless becoming and transformation

This was originally written on July 14th, 2022

It’s been an intense last few days of all of the feels (I see you full moon) - grief, resisting my grief, self doubt and criticism, blah-ness, tears and more tears, fear, irritation… - feeling the overwhelm of it all, releasing each piece and part as I am ready, and then opening to and allowing the energetic shift that is ready to unfold.

This week has been a practice of recognizing new layers of my deep and long-lived survival patterns and being able to finally observe them from a new lens and energy - instead of reacting our of a survival loop, finding more peace in simply holding and being with the reactivity this patterns stir up in my mind and body. I am immensely encouraged by this, as this feels like a ground for healing on this new layer and level.

And as I always do, I have landed in a place of clarity and open heartedness once again. A place from which I can my make clear, aligned decisions and offer myself grace, permission, and immense love and compassion once again.

From achievement orientation to process orientation

You see, walking a path of committed limitless becoming and transformation, and meeting and guiding others on their version of that path, does not release anyone from the human experience and the healing available in fully embracing it. Quite the opposite actually. Personally, in many ways I feel it intensifies the journey, reconfirming over and over again that I am willing to walk through my darkest valleys, no matter how short or long, to reconnect with my light. That I am willing to stand in the fire, lay down and surrender, open and receive, over and over again. Each time on a new layer, a new level. 

Part of the reason I love what I do is that is challenges the status quo on growth, personal development and coaching as the world knows it currently. 

We are conditioned to focus purely on the achievements, measuring ourselves and others against what is and isn’t accomplished, but when that is all we focus on, we are missing so much of the magic of life! The truth is that there is no “there”, no “arrival” on this path. We may reach new levels and states, but there is no end to all we can grow into and become.

The theme of moving from "doing-ness" to "being-ness" is something I explore a lot with my clients, and as that transition happens, we naturally begin to move from what I like to call moving from "achievement orientation to process orientation".

When we open and shift into process orientation, we can take in and allow all of the gifts that bloom along that path, instead of being so tunnel vision focused on the outcome. In my experience, it truly opens us to life fully and there is magic and beauty even in the really challenging and trying times.

The Energetic Shift

As I have worked with this transition in my own life in the past 4 years, one of the most powerful shifts I have observed is that the way I interact with myself and life is SO DIFFERENT than it used to be, and because of this, I love being me. Even though there are of course hard days, I love who I am today. I love this version of me, this “open and here for it all” Ellie.

I see that in my clients everyday as well. Even when nothing is “figured out yet”, resolved, or clear - even when the relationship with someone is difficult or strained, even when uncertainty or grief hits harder than ever before, even when pain arises once again - the shift in being that Deep coaching and transformational work facilitates and supports truly opens us to a powerful relationship with all parts of ourselves, life, others, and beyond that is filled with possibility, with freedom, with energy, and with LOVE.

It facilitates an energetic shift that changes everything. How we feel with ourselves. How our inner life feels. How our body feels.  How our outer life feels. How our relationship to God feels, as well as our own humanness and divinity. Nothing goes untouched. 

One of my mentors of the last few years, Pilar Lesko, a woman the feels like a deeply connected soul friend, recently wrote in one of her beautiful newsletters, “Life doesn’t become ‘perfect’, absolved of difficulty, contrast, tension, mistakes, and pain. You do not get everything you think you want. But rather, you become more available to interact with life, as it is - and through that, meet the wise, sacred and meaning-filled energy that permeates each moment. You receive the lessons, transformation, and healing that’s available and reality consistently re-orients to that devotion. You naturally generate more authenticity, kindness, and generosity. You experience more peace, joy, play, flow, and clarity. Everything seems more beautiful.”

Those words ring so true and depict this never-ending experience of becoming and transformation so well. 

I often say to one of my friends, “As we expand into one part of ourselves, all parts of us expand - even when we can’t see it all yet.” Despite what we must walk through, the fullness and the beauty only multiplies if we are willing to make room for it.

I don’t simply want to be alive, I want to LIVE.

I have been led on a sacred path of opening to the daily unfolding of life, of connecting to the essence of life and engaging with it a little bit more fully each day, for many years now.

My pain led me to the water of living. More specifically, my pain carried me to a point of  internal collapse in 2018 where I found myself saying “I can’t live like this anymore”, over and over again. 

Despite my deepest fears, in order to consciously choose life, I had no other option but to open to my pain – to open my arms to it, and embrace it fully for the first time ever. I could no longer run from it, block it, push it down. If I wanted to live fully, which I did (even though I didn’t really know what that meant or felt like), I no longer had room in my being to ignore it. 

I turned toward my pain with fear at first, afraid of what it would do to me. But the irony is that when I actually found the right support, and allowed myself to look at it and hold it with love, I began to see it with beauty and tenderness that not only allowed healing, it also began to transform my way of life.

I kept this journey private on many levels for many years, marveling at the possibilities of reaching new states of living as I encountered or approached them time and time again. Over time, I’m sure the magic of this process started to bubble up and spill out out of my Ellie fountain. Others around me observed and felt shifts they couldn’t pinpoint, and I couldn’t quite find the words to share fully yet. 

leaning into the shifts in being

Even when the days and weeks felt dense, each month offered new teachings. The deeper and deeper I dove inward, following the calling of the Spring of Life, the deeper I could breathe.

I felt clear and open, connected to an energy inside that I learned I could tap into any moment, knowing my heart and God within was all right there. The feeling was was indescribable – an undeniable energy of being and becoming led me forward with hope, to an empowered passion to guide others to the possibilities of living, even though I still had so much to walk on my own (and perhaps always will).

I thought, “Oh the possibilities for the world if everyone had space to feel their version of this inside of them.”

It was beyond wholeness; it was living wholeness.

Perhaps it was meant to be a private journey until now, until I could process, understand, and hold it on new levels. Until I could truly embody and dance with the powerful platter of sweetness, rawness, pain, joy, peace, divinity and humanness all combined into each moment. 

I am still being initiated into new layers and levels of living everyday, and even though I need moments of pause to play and rejuvenate along the way, I hope it never ends. 

I’ve dreamed for years of sharing this process. This week I found a special reminder I had written on a sticky note at a business retreat in 2018. While doing a meditation around connecting with our businesses and selves, I tapped into a vision of what my spirit felt like and desired for the first time; I saw myself dancing down an empty street and as I passed the houses, people started flooding out, joining me and welcoming more and more people to join us as we grooved forward together.

Afterwards I wrote: “Spirit: A leader, dancing through the street, having fun, inviting + encouraging others. Leading the way.”

I was years from connecting with Ellie Flow, still very much at in the infancy of my own process, just arriving to the point of collapse I referenced above. And yet the energy that I aim for Ellie Flow to hold was already alive inside of me: an inviting place for encouragement, expression of the soul, and dancing through life together.

There is so much alive inside of you, I promise. Maybe it’s ready to pour out now, or maybe your soul is ready to leave you a clue for later - for the perfect future moment when you will be fully ready for it.

If you feel called, book your first session and let’s tap in, explore, and dance forward together.

The juicy process of Transformation (brought to you by my daily walk through the park)

For the past 6 weeks, I have been contemplating the threshold of winter and spring on my daily walks through the park near our house. There have been days sprinkled with sunlight, days when I can feel spring rising up so powerfully inside and out, and there have been days blanketed with snow or gloom. While the snow holds its own beauty, at this time of year it continuously draws me to the frozenness that hasn’t fully thawed yet - a reminder that winter is still present even though I hear the hunger for spring renewal rumbling deep within.

I have watched the dead of winter slowly transition into spring, starting at the ground level. Each day there is a touch of new green, or a new flower or bud sprouting at the base of the Earth. But the moment I raise my eyes again, everything still looks dead - appearing to still be fully devoted to hibernation and restoration, where energy is still being gathered for the coming season.

On every walk I feel the unpredictable pace, wisdom, and shifting of my inner seasons reflected back to me. The sprinkles of green on the forest floor, amidst bare trunks and branches, remind me of the transitional phases between different states of being or seasons of life - the moments when the anticipated signs of the future are peeking through, yet we continue to live a known/old reality. I am reminded that only when we make space for and cultivate trust in the whole, full process of growth, can holding what is still dying or dead while simultaneously embracing the hope for life that is to come feel like a joyful, awe-inspired daily adventure.

the threshold of the inner seasons

Exploring and embracing our current inner seasons, and releasing any conditioned expectations to be somewhere we are not, is an extremely liberating and poetic journey I lead my clients through and have walked through many times. On my personal path, the past few years have included drawn out periods of inner fall’s shedding, followed by prolonged periods of cocooning and restoring through long inner winter(s). For a few years, this inward flow felt much more familiar than the bouncy, outer energy of spring or summer.

However this year I have experienced inner spring fiercely bubbling - finally feeling the steady energy I craved for months, potentially years. Much has been invisibly building and I can finally feel the sprouts about to break through the surface.

And yet, many of those sprouts have still not made themselves outwardly visible, but my daily walks through the park have once again reminded me of the beauty, worthiness, and power of holding the pieces of our inner terrain that still feel barren or frozen with honor, awe, gratitude, and even delight. Even if spring is all I want to focus on, the lingering winter reminds me the there is still more sacred tending to hold space for - and to trust that doing so will only cultivate the energy of my inner spring even more.

I am reminded that I mustn’t fear the daily reminders of winter, and that transformation doesn’t blossom from one day to the next; the threshold of winter and spring is like my walks - a treasure hunt for new beauty, new life, colors and plants I haven’t seen before.

If I allow it, it brings awe, reminding me to slow down, to take in every moment of sacred presence that I can. To fully BE with the process of shedding (fall), entering a hibernation or void space (winter), and from the darkness witnessing the light and life that starts to break through when it is time (spring), and the ferociously flourish (summer).

The process is potent and sacred. The seasons are working together, in natural progression, and I can choose to respect, honor, and be in flow with their rhythm, with my rhythm. And when I am, I will be carried into my next season in perfect timing, with all of the tools and wisdom I need.

The juicy process of Transformation

Over the years I have fallen deeply in love with the process of transformation, which perfectly mirrors this threshold and progression of the seasons reflected in the park: the beauty and magic of allowing one’s Self the space to unravel and shed what isn’t truly theirs to be or hold, creating and allowing a held emptiness and willingness to just BE, trusting that in perfect time, new energy, vibrancy and states of being will take root and sprout.

We often want to jump from the shedding to the budding, but if we can slow down enough to sit in the emptiness space that is created between each season, we being to hear and feel our soul and essence humming, expanding, playing, coming forth more palpably. In this open field, not yet identified understood perhaps, our Divinity vibrates, and there is space for a relationship with our deeper, vaster, loving being(ness) to take root. We can listen and receive, and being to see and feel what energetically is moving its way into being.

This process happens on a micro level in single coaching sessions, and on a macro level in longer containers. No matter how it unfolds, holding space for what wants to emerge with and for my clients, and in my own life, is one of the greatest gifts of my work and life. It is JUICY AS ALL GET OUT!

It is a journey filled with tears and laughter, often in the same session or moment, and while it isn’t magic, it feel magical, liberating, grounding and empowering all at once, reminding us of who we are, the possibility of our being, and the intersection of what it is to embody our Divine-Humanness.

If this resonated with you and feel called to more, you can explore my coaching offerings here.