Writing & transmissions
Music + Intuitive Movement = Grief Medicine {Grief•Flow}
If I don’t make space for my grief to flow, the greater flow of my mental and physical energy stagnates, as does my connection to the Divine and to creativity. If grief doesn’t have space to flow, I feel muted and closed off to intimacy with my loved ones, without words to express and share my heart. If I haven’t made space for grief to flow, my body and energy feel flat and my eyes tired.
Finding the ways and spaces where I feel free to really sink into grief, sometimes for 5 minutes, other times for as long as needed, has been a work in progress. I find it is so much easier to connect to it and offer it space when I don’t feel alone, when I am held in love by someone else, or by music…
If I don’t make space for my grief to flow, the greater flow of my mental and physical energy stagnates, as does my connection to the Divine and to creativity.
If grief doesn’t have space to flow, I feel muted and closed off to intimacy with my loved ones, without words to express and share my heart.
If I haven’t made space for grief to flow, my body and energy feel flat and my eyes tired.
Finding the ways and spaces where I feel free to really sink into grief, sometimes for 5 minutes, other times for as long as needed, has been a work in progress. I find it is so much easier to connect to it and offer it space when I don’t feel alone, when I am held in love by someone else, or by music.
The idea of a GriefFlow ceremony was born in Fall of 2021. As the shock of saying goodbye to my mom began to wear off slowly, 6 months later, the heaviness in my body felt stifling and unrelenting.
I was extra sensitive to stimulation and realized that music without lyrics met me in my broken-open heart with softness, in ways nothing else could. One afternoon while sitting out in the autumn sun, my Spotify ‘Discover Weekly’ playlist introduced a piece that instantly captivated me.
Within a few moments of listening I could hear the grief alive in the song - I could feel the yearning, missing, dreaming, remembering, and the connection to all that was, is and will or won’t be.
I went on a Google deep dive to find the story that went with it, and quickly learned that the artist had written it shortly after his mom passed away from cancer. I was stunned and in awe of how my body and heart could feel the source of the creation.
I played the song over and over again, and as I listened, my body wanted to move with the music. It felt so good to be held by the dancing melodies, which seemed to represent the many faces of grief, loss, hope, love, and peace.
Tears would flow in some moments, and in others my lips would form the biggest smile. I would often start the song seated, and at some point something inside of me would lead me up and into movement. Then a few minutes later, it would call me back to the floor to simply lay there and receive the medicine of the music.
The medicine of knowing I was not alone in this pain.
During the 8 minute song, I would go from feeling dull and disconnected, to feeling my body and heart fluid and alive again. Like I could breathe deeply and see life again, within and without.
Sometimes I would feel called to clean afterwards, or fold my clothes (things that were hard for me to find energy for at the time). Other times I would feel hunger rumble for the first time in days and be inspired to cook something new and fresh, or I would move to my easel and paint.
Sometimes I would just lie there and rest.
Sometimes messages would arrive, other times I would receive the nourishment of the silence.
Each tiny little ceremony the music helped me hold liberated a little bit of energy that had been suppressed, without forcing, expectation or agenda. No need to be any way or place that I wasn’t. I could let all my emotions arise and move.
As I found myself in this GriefFlow over and over again, I began to dream of a space where we could honor grief like this in community. Where lyrics and words wouldn’t be necessary, because let’s be real - grief often extends beyond what words can reach.
And here we are.
During the next GriefFlow Workshop, we will begin with a short introduction and reflection, and then I will guide you into an opening meditation that allows you to feel into any ways or places grief might be alive for you right now.
As we soften into our inner landscapes, I will press play on a curated playlist (all songs without lyrics), and then will guide you as you listen to your body, to how the music meets you and moves you. Most people will want their cameras off during this part, to feel free to be in their space as they wish.
As the music concludes (about 25 mins in total), we will transition into a time to circle and share anything that arose. There will also be space to ask questions or for guidance from me.
While I can't predict what will arise and move within you during this workshop, I can tell you that people are often surprised by how light, refreshed, grounded yet energized they feel at the end.
The grief that moves and transmutes in these workshops may be everything from the loss of a loved one, or a relationship, to the loss of a home or homeland, a season of life, job, a dream, of health, or the grief of living in an imperfect world as imperfect humans.
I believe we all harbor grief in one or more ways.
This workshop is for everyone that is willing to open to it, even if you don’t consciously know the where, why, and how.
I invite you into the mystery and all that awaits, with deep trust it will be nourishing to your soul and beyond.
Ep #7. Recalibrating Our Bodies to Be Vessels for Emotion + An Autumn Energy Read and Prayer {Podcast}
This is one of those episodes that feels like a meditation or a transformational session**. The energy current that's flowing right now is one that is calling us to presence, to slow down, to open ourselves to FEEL, and be in awareness of our bodies, thoughts, emotions, and the conditioned contractions of our inner system. I start off the episode by offering an energetic read for this season and what I feel we are being called toward.
This is one of those episodes that feels like a meditation or a transformational session**. The energy current that's flowing right now is one that is calling us to presence, to slow down, to open ourselves to FEEL, and be in awareness of our bodies, thoughts, emotions, and the conditioned contractions of our inner system. I start off the episode by offering an energetic read of this season and what I feel we are being called toward. Then I share a prayer* that helps me empty and make space to be fully present in my day.
The second half of this episode is all about learning to recalibrate ourselves to our emotions, and allowing our bodies and energy systems to be clear and open vessels through which emotion can flow. I speak to how to begin this recalibration, beginning with Awareness and then using the breath to gently unblock the body and create safety to experience what we are feeling more fully.
*Prayer goes from 11:00-19:58 minutes. Please note I do use the word God. I often pray like this in more specifics to me as I walk in the morning. Feel free to adapt to your needs.
**Helpful Note: This episode is RICH, and the cadence of it is slower than usual. As I was editing this one, it didn't feel right to shorten the pauses like I usually do. I highly recommend listening to it as is, but if you need to, feel free to increase your player to 1.1x+ speed if it's easier for you to take in that way.
Full Episode Show Notes
WORKSHOP ANNOUNCMENT:
I am so excited to start offering workshops to deepen into the topics I share about here, live and in community. The first two are on the calendar:
October 11 @5pm ET / 4pm CT / 2pm PT: GriefFlow LIVE Workshop - REGISTER HERE
October 25th @5PM ET / 4pm CT / 2PM PT: Embodied Acceptance LIVE Workshop - REGISTER HERE
REGISTER FOR BOTH WORKSHOPS & SAVE $10 HERE
Use the special code only for podcast listeners, FOUNTAINLOVE5 for $5 dollars off when you register for one or both workshops.
I would love to hear what arises for you as you listen, and anything specific you'd like to hear on the show. Shoot me a note via email (hello@ellieflow.com), or respond to the episode directly via the feature on your podcast app.
Book your exploratory session with me here
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Episode Music credit:
Embrace by Sappheiros | https://soundcloud.com/sappheirosmusic
Music promoted on https://www.chosic.com/free-music/all/
Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported (CC BY 3.0) https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
Guided ‘Explore Your Essence’ Meditation
This centering meditation is a gentle and connective practice that is perfect to use any time (even daily) during the 'Emergence' or 'I am ALIVE' spheres of transformation, as explored in the last episode (episode 6) of The Fountain with Ellie Thomas podcast. Along with relaxing music, this meditation leads you through a simple visualization practice to release energy that isn't yours, call your energy back to your body, and then attune to what's ready to emerge and what's ready to release.
*Scroll down to listen to the meditation
This centering meditation is a gentle and connective practice that is perfect to use any time (even daily) during the 'Emergence' or 'I am ALIVE' spheres of transformation, as explored in the last episode (episode 6). Along with relaxing music, this meditation leads you through a simple visualization practice to release energy that isn't yours, call your energy back to your body, and then attune to what's ready to emerge and what's ready to release.
This practice will support your awareness in what's brewing energetically for you, and help you move throughout the day in connection to your body and energy. Use daily or as you'd like.
This is an original meditation. Music for this meditation can be found here.
If you prefer to meditate through the Insight Timer app, you can find this meditation there as well.
WORKSHOP ANNOUNCMENT:
I am so excited to start offering workshops to deepen into the topics I share about here, live and in community.
The first two are on the calendar:
October 11 @5pm ET / 4pm CT / 2pm PT: GriefFlow LIVE Workshop - REGISTER HERE
October 25th @5PM ET / 4pm CT / 2PM PT: Embodied Acceptance LIVE Workshop - REGISTER HERE
REGISTER FOR BOTH WORKSHOPS & SAVE $10 HERE
Full Episode Show Notes
This is an original mediation that supports connecting to, honoring, and releasing your pain in a healthy way.
Always make sure you are in a safe place, and not operating a vehicle, when playing meditations such as this. Music used in this meditation can be found here.
Book your exploratory session with me here
Join my newsletter
Find me on instagram
Episode Music credit:
Embrace by Sappheiros | https://soundcloud.com/sappheirosmusic
Music promoted on https://www.chosic.com/free-music/all/
Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported (CC BY 3.0) https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
EP #6. The 5 Spheres of Inner Transformation {Podcast}
This is such a special episode because it is my first public teaching of the process of transformation, and the five spheres that comprise it, which I received in the middle of the night 9 months ago. These five spheres (Release, Dancing with the Unknown, Emergence, I am ALIVE, Here I am) each carry potent and powerful teachings that will ground you in your process, and I hope offer reflection, permission, guidance, clarity, hope, and grace in your current moment.
This is such a special episode because it is my first public teaching of the process of transformation, and the five spheres that comprise it, which I received in the middle of the night 9 months ago. These five spheres (Release, Dancing with the Unknown, Emergence, I am ALIVE, Here I am) each carry potent and powerful teachings that will ground you in your process, and I hope offer reflection, permission, guidance, clarity, hope, and grace in your current moment.
Each sphere carries its own energy and asks us to surrender to our process in new ways as we reclaim and align with the soul.
In this episode I break it all down for you. I can't wait to hear how it lands.
In a few days I will post another supportive meditation that compliments this process.
Full Episode Show Notes
WORKSHOP ANNOUNCMENT:
I am so excited to start offering workshops to deepen into the topics I share about here, live and in community. The first two are on the calendar:
October 11 @5pm ET / 4pm CT / 2pm PT: GriefFlow LIVE Workshop - REGISTER HERE
October 25th @5PM ET / 4pm CT / 2PM PT: Embodied Acceptance LIVE Workshop - REGISTER HERE
REGISTER FOR BOTH WORKSHOPS & SAVE $10 HERE
Use the special code only for podcast listeners, FOUNTAINLOVE5 for $5 dollars off when you register for one or both workshops.
I would love to hear what arises for you as you listen, and anything specific you'd like to hear on the show. Shoot me a note via email (hello@ellieflow.com), or respond to the episode directly via the feature on your podcast app.
Book your exploratory session with me here
Join my newsletter
Find me on instagram
Episode Music credit:
Embrace by Sappheiros | https://soundcloud.com/sappheirosmusic
Music promoted on https://www.chosic.com/free-music/all/
Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported (CC BY 3.0) https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
Meditation for Emotional release
The Meditation for Emotional Release is incredibly gentle, soothing, and offers guidance to begin to feel into parts of you that might be more ready to surface and be expressed than you realize.
*Scroll down to listen to the meditation
This Meditation for Emotional Release is incredibly gentle, soothing, and offers guidance to begin to feel into parts of you that might be more ready to surface and be expressed than you realize.
When I first shared this meditation in a program I led in 2021, one of the participants said she began to sob halfway through, releasing deep sadness she didn't even realize she was carrying, and felt so much lighter afterward.
The magic of release is partly about basking in the fertile emptiness and silence that is created by our letting-go, and this meditation will help you access this space within.
Full Episode Show Notes
This is an original mediation that supports connecting to, honoring, and releasing your pain in a healthy way.
Always make sure you are in a safe place, and not operating a vehicle, when playing meditations such as this. Music used in this meditation can be found here.
Book your exploratory session with me here
Join my newsletter
Find me on instagram
Episode Music credit:
Embrace by Sappheiros | https://soundcloud.com/sappheirosmusic
Music promoted on https://www.chosic.com/free-music/all/
Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported (CC BY 3.0) https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
EP #5. The Power of Emotional and energetic release {Podcast}
Fall is officially here in the US, and as we begin to explore the slow loosening and letting go of this season, I'm sharing all about The Power of Emotional + Energetic Release on the podcast this week (along with a bonus meditation on the podcast feed).
In episode 5 of the podcast, I take you on a journey, exploring the importance of releasing stuck and repressed emotion in order to: liberate VITALITY, tap into CREATIVITY, and connect with YOUR AUTHENTIC ENERGY.
*Scroll down to listen to the episode below
Fall is officially here in the US, and as we begin to explore the slow loosening and letting go of this season, I'm sharing all about The Power of Emotional + Energetic Release on the podcast this week (along with a bonus meditation on the podcast feed).
In episode 5, I take you on a journey, exploring the importance of releasing stuck and repressed emotion in order to:
⛲️liberate VITALITY,
⛲️ tap into CREATIVITY, and
⛲️ connect with YOUR AUTHENTIC ENERGY.
I personally have a loooonnnnggg history of repressing emotion – I'm talking almost 30 years of holding lots in, pushing pain down, overriding my needs and feelings in the (subconscious) name of survival.
A certain circumstance in my life right now reminded me of how important finding a safe way to release is in order to arrive at clear energy and live from deep Self connection.
In this episode, I share what the process of unraveling this has been like for me over the last 7ish years, how different I feel in my body now, and I also break down the energetics and alchemy of safe emotional expression and the rejuvenation it offers each of us.
I believe this episode is powerful for everyone, and I'd especially like to dedicate it to the sensitive, deep feelers that have not felt safe to show and share your emotions.
Full Episode Show Notes
In this episode I take you on a journey, exploring the importance of releasing stuck and repressed emotion in order to liberate vitality, tap into creativity, and connect with who we really are. I share what this process has been like as a client and a coach, and break down the energetics and alchemy of safe emotional expression and the rejuvenation it offers each of us, especially deep feelers or those of us that have not felt safe to show and share our emotions.
I work with many high achieving women that have learned how to cut off or override their flow of emotion as a survival strategy. If this is you, this episode is extra pertinent.
If the pulse of this episode hits your heart, try out the meditation for pain I have added to the podcast feed, and book your exploratory session with me here.
To explore my work more, visit www.ellieflow.com.
I would love to hear what arises for you as you listen, and anything specific you'd like to hear on the show. Shoot me a note via email (hello@ellieflow.com), or respond to the episode directly via the feature on your podcast app.
Book your exploratory session with me here
Join my newsletter
Find me on instagram
Episode Music credit:
Embrace by Sappheiros | https://soundcloud.com/sappheirosmusic
Music promoted on https://www.chosic.com/free-music/all/
Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported (CC BY 3.0) https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
EP #4. Allow Your Inner Wisdom to Emerge (+ Guided Meditation) {Podcast}
Last night I had the pleasure and honor of leading a short contemplative meditation at a community dinner. Afterwards, my seat mate asked me how I got into meditation and mindfulness. I shared with him that early in my conscious transformational journey, about 5 years ago, guided meditation really helped me connect with parts of myself beyond my (very active and quick) mind - which was in constant panic and overwhelm at the time.
I also shared with him that now in my own practice, and in my work as a facilitator, I've learned that all I need to do is create space to return to (and attune to) the heart.
THE REST WILL UNFOLD NATURALLY…
Last night I had the pleasure and honor of leading a short contemplative meditation at a community dinner. Afterwards, my seat mate asked me how I got into meditation and mindfulness. I shared with him that early in my conscious transformational journey, about 5 years ago, guided meditation really helped me connect with parts of myself beyond my (very active and quick) mind - which was in constant panic and overwhelm at the time.
I also shared with him that now in my own practice, and in my work as a facilitator, I've learned that all I need to do is create space to return to (and attune to) the heart.
THE REST WILL UNFOLD NATURALLY.
This is the essence of everything I share on The Fountain podcast, and this week's episode, called Allow Your Inner Wisdom to Emerge, especially focuses on the process of creating space to be a loving witness to the needs and tones of our intellects, physical bodies, emotional selves, and spiritual selves.
In my experience, in order to hear the greater wisdom of our beings and beyond, we often need to release of the energy, thoughts and tensions that keep us occupied and looping in the same way over and over again.
As the space for release, without an agenda, is created, we are able to touch into a stillness – a fertile emptiness – through which greater wisdom can emerge, be heard, received and integrated.
The second half of this week's podcast episode is a 16-minute guided meditation/practice that will help you create this space and allowance.
It my version of the simple, yet profound, guided journey that my mentor used with me as I was slowly tapped into my heart-centered flow and opened to greater connection with myself, and beyond.
This is a practice you can do daily, even while walking, with a journal, or anyway that (safely) helps you attune to the subtleties of your energy.
Full Episode Show Notes
In this episode I share lingering thoughts on opening to our fullness that came up after the last episode, then I dive into my first invitation into feeling my fullness 5 years ago and what that looked like. I reflect on the power of being guided into connection with our intellect, physical bodies, emotional selves, and spiritual selves, and how it can help you begin to understand and feel into your wholeness more. I also speak on the power of learning to listen deeply to our many dimensions, and how it frees up space to allow your intuition and greater wisdom and energy to emerge and guide you.
The guided 4 Part Meditation for Wholeness begins at 15:30 (FYI it purposely does not have music so that you can simply listen to yourself and anything happening for you more acutely).
Book your exploratory session with me here
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Episode Music credit:
Embrace by Sappheiros | https://soundcloud.com/sappheirosmusic
Music promoted on https://www.chosic.com/free-music/all/
Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported (CC BY 3.0) https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
EP #3. Open To Your Fullness {Podcast}
Welcome back to The Fountain! This episode is an exploration inspired by a session with one of my clients and gets into the energetics of "making space again" after periods of massive inner (and life) shifts, grief, and loss.
I explore the importance of allowing ourselves to fully grieve and mourn, to fully be in our process of release, to arrive into the gift of opening to life again. I touch into the nuances of what this opening can feel like, and how to observe and work with the energy of "making space again" when it arises for you.
What does opening to our fullness even mean or look like?
This episode of the fountain explores what our "fullness" even means, reclaiming it from the idealized vision that is often touted in the current personal growth or spiritual world, and offering space to invite pieces of yourself that you've shut out to slowly reincorporate. The episode begins and ends with a brief meditative and breathing practice to anchor into your energy and to embody this message in your own way. I also explore energies of resistance, expansion, flow, and letting go.
You can enjoy the Fountain Flow Playlist here (on Spotify).
Please note: there is a tiny bit of static at the beginning and end of the episode that I was not able to edit out fully, but it only lasts a few seconds - continuing to work on improving sound quality for you!
Book your exploratory session with me here
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Episode Music credit:
Embrace by Sappheiros | https://soundcloud.com/sappheirosmusic
Music promoted on https://www.chosic.com/free-music/all/
Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported (CC BY 3.0) https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
EP #2. Making Space Again After Grief, Loss, and Immense Inner Shifts {Podcast}
What does opening to our fullness even mean or look like?
This episode of the fountain explores what our "fullness" even means, reclaiming it from the idealized vision that is often touted in the current personal growth or spiritual world, and offering space to invite pieces of yourself that you've shut out to slowly reincorporate. The episode begins and ends with a brief meditative and breathing practice to anchor into your energy and to embody this message in your own way. I also explore energies of resistance, expansion, flow, and letting go.
Welcome back to The Fountain! This episode is an exploration inspired by a session with one of my clients and gets into the energetics of "making space again" after periods of massive inner (and life) shifts, grief, and loss.
I explore the importance of allowing ourselves to fully grieve and mourn, to fully be in our process of release, to arrive into the gift of opening to life again. I touch into the nuances of what this opening can feel like, and how to observe and work with the energy of "making space again" when it arises for you.
Book your exploratory session with me here
Join my newsletter
Find me on instagram
Episode Music credit:
Embrace by Sappheiros | https://soundcloud.com/sappheirosmusic
Music promoted on https://www.chosic.com/free-music/all/
Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported (CC BY 3.0) https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
Big Uplevel energy at work (A seasonal reflection)
I've felt a subtle, yet also HUGE, up-level happening internally in the past 8 weeks, and wow, it's been a really beautiful and an often intense ride. I am thankful to feel present to it all even if it's brought up all sorts of things to be with, and this week I wrote a reflection on this to share with you!
I have felt rooted in my relationship with myself for a quite a while now, and more so than ever in the last 9 months. Yet even so, this transitional Spring season has challenged (read: fiercely called) me to sink into deeper trust in myself, in who I have become, and in Life as I continue to explore and embody the much greater capacity I now hold.
I've felt a subtle, yet also HUGE, up-level happening internally in the past 8 weeks, and wow, it's been a really beautiful and an often intense ride. I am thankful to feel present to it all even if it's brought up all sorts of things to be with, and this week I wrote a reflection on this to share with you!
I have felt rooted in my relationship with myself for a quite a while now, and more so than ever in the last 9 months. Yet even so, this transitional Spring season has challenged (read: fiercely called) me to sink into deeper trust in myself, in who I have become, and in Life as I continue to explore and embody the much greater capacity I now hold.
It's wild to think back to April 2022 Ellie (enter some 3rd person because it doesn't feel right to call that version of me “I” anymore) – she was just peeping her head out of her grief hibernation cave and learning to be known and seen in what felt like a totally transformed existence (compared to any version of myself I had perviously shared publicly). Today I can hardly feel the trepidation, overwhelm and rawness she felt daily as I simply moved through life one year ago, yet I am so immensely grateful to her, her courage and bravery, for taking the steps back out into the world little by little.
As we entered 2023, I received a message in a meditation indicating that the energy of this first quarter of the year was to be My Coming Out Party. Yes, I lol'd with joy the first time I heard that too, but I knew exactly what it meant; it was time to share myself fully, to let others see and know what I am about, who I am, and what I am here to teach, guide, and share. It was time to remove any fluff I'd placed, like bumpers in bowling, as protection from being misunderstood or disliked. It was time to say, “Here I am in all of my rawness and glory” and let the potency of my work and words be felt on a new level.
It was no coincidence that I walked out of the second year and into the third without my mom during this season, and that I began to feel and know my resiliency, strength, and rootedness on a whole new level. The More Myself program was born from in this time, and sharing it felt like allowing my soul to spill onto the page and integrate into what I offer even more deeply.
There were also multiple opportunities to say YES to life in renewed ways in February and March, including embracing things I knew I wanted to do even if I felt a afraid or nervous. It was fascinating to observe myself begin to enter into fear or anxiety, but to a much lesser level than I had in the past, and then remind myself that I have a completely different relationship with my body, my capacity, my abilities, my intellect and my emotions now. When I reminded my self of this, the nervousness lessened significantly and what came through more prominently was vibrant curiosity. “What would it be like to try this again as I am now? I know I can pause, or rest, or stop at any time, and what if I love it?!” And everything I tried again, I loved.
In March, I lived a powerful full circle moment teaching two, 2-hour Sacred Grief events in one of my mentors' membership. Almost exactly 3 years prior, my grief had been held in one of her containers in a way that opened me to the possibility of being fully seen and known in my pain amidst community, and returning to offer this same witnessing and space was one of the most natural and incredible “dreams come true” moment I've lived.
The first event I taught was a class where I shared my story with grief, recalling the 25 years it's energy has been intimately part of my life even though I didn't have a conscious relationship with it for 20+ of them. I spoke of the potential grief has to aid destruction when we are denying it or pushing it away, and the potential it has to support expansion when we are willing to fully be with it. I reflected on how grief is the most simultaneously expansive and contractive process I've experienced. I taught the EllieFlow 5 Spheres of Transformation (more to come on that soon as part of a special secret project I'm working on), and what is available to us when we are pushed to our edges and have no other option but to fully surrender.
The preparations felt peaceful while also demanding all of me, and teaching the class probably kicked off the “Ellie, you're stepping into something bigger, you're ready, it's time, here you are” energy that has been stirring since.
The second event was a GriefFlow Circle, where I guided a space to connect with the grief present and then move intuitively to music, allowing it to transmute and release energetically. After the movement portion, there was space to share about the experience and what people were feeling. The shares were so rad, so liberated, full of depth and yet equally light and refreshed. As soon the event finished, I turned on some EDM and grooved in celebration and gratitude for the amplified ownership and embodiment of my journey through this opportunity. I felt, yet again, more me, more alive, more full, more whole, more woman, more complete.
A few days later, as accidental integration of this experience, we traveled to visit my dad and make maple syrup with him on the farm where I grew up for the weekend. Our time was sweet and rich (beyond the syrup), and I took time to sit in the room my mom died in to cry, talk to her, and listen. As I enjoyed the bright sun warming us on a windy and cold day, as I saw my dad smile with excitement while showing us the sap-boiling-setup in the sugar shack my husband designed and built with him, as I chatted with the wind chime now hanging above one of my mom's wildflower gardens, and as we tasted the syrup and bottled it into jars to be enjoyed and shared, I was able to breathe in the abundance of my homeland and the gifts that have continued to come with the patient love and tending.
The end of March unexpectedly rocked me with some hard family stuff, and the up-level energy grew in intensity as new challenges tend to be portals for big internal updating. Since, this last month has been all about revisiting my foundation of safety and well-being amidst hard moments, and allowing my mind and self-concept to update fully and match who I have become instead of staying calibrated to a past version of me.
Through this process, and allowing myself the FULL space to be IN (messy) PROCESS with myself, I feel like I have once again capitulated into another realm of existence in the last week. Thinking back to the ‘6-weeks ago Ellie’, I already feel anchored in a different place, and remain in awe of the constant shifts and expansion available when we are willing to stay open to Life and to what is underway amidst our organic evolution.
This week I have taken many long walks in the spring sunshine, which is powerful medicine to my mind, body, and soul. On Tuesday mid-walk, I began to see myself like a budding tree with an ample root system that had been growing and establishing itself for many years, often silently. I began to feel how acknowledging, owning, and enjoying my rootedness allows me to sway freely (and even enjoy!) with the winds as they come, knowing that I will stay firm and rooted, continuing to grow my branches and offer upward and outward.
What do you resonate with most in this reflection? Does anything call to your depths in an unexpected way?
How do you find yourself relating to this season? Does it feel like a time of unleveling, a time of integration, or even a void season for you?
I wish you loving acceptance and vibrant curiosity as you reflect on the last few months.
finding your attuned pace & creating spaciousness to sink in to acceptance in an embodied way
Yesterday, I recorded an instagram live to explore and teach on the power and cultivation of ‘Attuned Pace’, and how Awareness, Acknowledgment, and Acceptance work together to free up energy in our emotional, physical, and energetic systems. I loved how it turned out, and it was a perfect peak into the first few weeks of my More Myself Group Program the begins next week.
Yesterday, I recorded an instagram live to explore and teach on the power and cultivation of ‘Attuned Pace’, and how Awareness, Acknowledgment, and Acceptance work together to free up energy in our emotional, physical, and energetic systems.
I loved how it turned out, and it was a perfect peak into the first few weeks of my More Myself Group Program the begins next week.
Listen to the replay podcast style here:
Watch the replay on Instagram here:
In the first few weeks of the More Myself Group container, starting 2/21, we will lay the foundations for the program by deeply engaging with the energy and healing available through each of these areas.
Allowing Life to break me open (& INTRODUCING THE MORE MYSELF GROUP PROGRAM)
When life broke me open, everything I knew it to be was shattered. Not only had I lost my Mom, but huge pieces of who I thought I was felt like they were stripped away with her. I had already been engaged in deep internal renewal for years leading up to this time, but when she died, things that used to matter didn’t matter at all anymore. Things I used to like and want in my life no longer felt alive and important at all…
Doors are fully open to my new LIVE Group Program Experience, ‘More Myself’.
You can dive into the complete exploration of it here. We begin on Tuesday February 21st, and I'm offering $111 off the price through Sunday, 2/12 using the code REBIRTH.
This program is a 6-week group experience for those that have walked through things they didn’t (consciously) choose, and are willing to honor the pain and grief of this process, while simultaneously opening to all of the ways it has profoundly changed and expanded them.
When life broke me open, everything I knew it to be was shattered. Not only had I lost my Mom, but huge pieces of who I thought I was felt like they were stripped away with her. I had already been engaged in deep internal renewal for years leading up to this time, but when she died, things that used to matter didn’t matter at all anymore. Things I used to like and want in my life no longer felt alive and important at all.
A year later I still felt incredibly lost, alone, and confused- this was a piece of loss no one had ever told me about. Probably because the ‘in between’ of who you used to be and who you are becoming is quite indescribable.
While I'll forever be deeply engaged in the life-long processes of both living with loss and expanding into to my own becoming, I now know that when we allow ourselves to be fully broken open there is tremendous pain and there are astounding gifts.
We don't get to control what breaks us or when it happens, but if we are willing to move through these times in our lives and the remains they leave with an open heart, they can offer us so much.
The transformation and the grief don’t need to compete, they actually go hand-in-hand.
Together they open a portal full of possibility - seeing, being, and leading through a different lens - one that I believe has the potential to change the world.
If we make the space for our breaking-open to be a conscious process, it brings deeper connection to ourselves and deeper connection to life as we move through it.
If we tune in and make space, there is so much richness alive in the messiness of it all, included but not limited to vibrant creativity, passion, meaning, full-being gratitude and awe…aliveness.
The More Myself program was created for those that are open and ready to both honor the pain and be awe-struck by the gifts. This program is for those that can feel something within saying, “there is no going back to who I used to be” and who desire to trust and explore the potent medicine of their experience.
Maybe you’ve lost a loved one.
Maybe you’ve received difficult news or a diagnosis about your health or that of someone important in your life.
Maybe you’re unsure if you’ll be able to have kids.
Maybe a relationship you treasured has concluded.
Maybe a career or dream you poured yourself into has been challenged.
Maybe you did all the ‘right things’ but it doesn’t’ feel like you thought it would and you're not sure how to move forward.
It doesn't matter what has broken you open, or how long it's been, if you feel called to more of yourself, this is for you.
“HOW IRONIC THAT THE DIFFICULT TIMES WE FEAR MIGHT RUIN US ARE THE VERY ONES THAT CAN BREAK US OPEN AND HELP US BLOSSOM INTO WHO WE WERE MEANT TO BE.”
— Elizabeth Lesser
All the details are here & the More Myself doors are wide open.
Use code REBIRTH for $111 now through Sunday, 2/12.
I am incredibly humbled and honored to create this program, and I can't wait to meet you inside.
Questions about the program or working together? Reach out here.
there is Grief in every Layer of healing
Written originally on August 5th, this is a stream of consciousness writing that came out of me in a moment of deep realization. It is meant to witness, open, and offer compassion to any and all that are moving through a grief or loss process. I do still have a powerful relationship and connection to my mom, when I speak of her absence in this writing, I am referencing her physical presence and life.
Written originally on August 5th, this is a stream of consciousness writing that came out of me in a moment of deep realization. It is meant to witness, open, and offer compassion to any and all that are moving through the softer, less traumatic moments of a loss and grief yet still feeling the pain. I do still have a powerful relationship and connection to my mom, when I speak of her absence in this writing, I am referencing her physical presence and life.
Today I tapped into the grief of this week. It is a gentle sadness, ever existing with this state of calm and peace I have arrived to as I sink into the expansion this summer has opened me to.
It is a low grade sadness, there but not bubbling to the surface with a vengeance.
I can feel it put it isn’t sharp like it sometimes is.
A few times this week I noticed myself thinking about how I was getting used to daily wife with out Mom alive, and in a lot of ways I’m so grateful to have arrive here - to a place I feel free to look forward with excitement and potential - and this place also comes with a new layer of deep sadness, sadness that I am used to life without her, sadness that starting to dream forward means I’m more ready to imagine a full life without her.
In my journal I wrote about it being like a timeline jump that is both extremely relieving, expansive, and natural, while simultaneously devastating.
I have arrived to the state I wasn’t sure I’d ever arrive to - a state of deeper integration of acceptance that allows space for the new, the possible, hope and excitement. And also there is grief that I have arrived to this moment of peace and acceptance, where every step and dream forward naturally exists without my Mom in it, where I know that every step forward means a step further from the reality when we had her with us.
This is a new kind of heartbreak.
Being with Yourself (+ Free Meditation)
A few weeks ago, I found myself going through all of the meditations I have created over the last few years on my computer. There are A LOT of them, so I pressed play on each one, listening to the tone of my voice and the connection of heart and mind carried through in every practice.
I came across a 6 minute audio titled “Being with Yourself”. The title alone surprised me, as the practice of being with myself is so integrated into who I am today that I don't really need to consciously think those words anymore. But it wasn’t always this way…
A few weeks ago, shortly after revealing Ellie•Flow, I found myself going through all of the meditations I have created over the last few years on my computer. There are A LOT of them, so I pressed play on each one, listening to the tone of my voice and the connection of heart and mind carried through in every practice.
I found some I had forgotten about and still really love - meditations that still ‘hold up’ – a loving and powerful energetic invitation is felt from the moment I press play. Others I enjoyed finding and listening to again because they felt a little less energetically full, which allowed me to, yet again, reflect on how much I have deepened, evolved, and grown in my connection, gifts, and leadership over the past few years.
Within seconds of pressing play on each meditation, I could feel the energy I had created it from. Sifting through each recording reminded me of every stage of the few years. I remembered weeks where I made things happen through ‘push and force’ energy and sheer determination to not give up. I remembered weeks where my heart had been peeled (or cracked) open on yet another layer. I remembered that through that pain, I had opened, connected with myself and beyond, and felt feelings deeper than I had ever allowed myself to feel. I remembered how from that soft and vulnerable inner place something beautiful was always born, no matter how tiny it felt in the moment. In the tone and frequency of my voice and words, I remembered it all.
Maybe about 10 meditations in to my memory lane listening exhibition , I came across a 6 minute audio titled “Being with Yourself”. The title alone surprised me, as the practice of being with myself is so integrated into who I am today that I don't really need to consciously think those words anymore. But it wasn’t always this way, and simply seeing this title brought the memories of all of the years I didn't know how to be with myself; all of the years I disconnected, distracted, denied what felt true within me, rushed to the forefront of my mind. This title brought back the hundreds of times that the simple practice of reconnecting with myself - layer after layer - felt hard and heavy with resistance.
Yet with intention, desire, and deep deep KNOWING that there was more to live, I returned.
Layer by layer, I practiced inviting in breath, inviting in sacred love and attention to each part of my being. I practiced inviting in willingness, to come back to feeling and wholeness when I felt myself hardening from fear, anger, grief, pain, or uncertainty.
From the moment I found the practice on my computer, before I even pressed play, I felt excited to share it with you. What a gift it would have been to past me to have a 6-minute practice I could turn to every day, no matter how or where I found myself. Something so minimal, just to help get the ball rolling in the direction of reconnection when everything felt hard and empty.
A simple and accessible offering and invitation to re-arrive in your body, in your Self - to come home, over-and-over again.
I of course needed to listen to it again before sharing. So, I pressed play and heard this stream of consciousness intro:
"The theme of this week’s meditation is ‘Being with Yourself’. Often when we are in times of stress, chaos, or feeling unsafe or having lots of uncertainty, we look for things outside of ourselves to sooth and calm ourself, instead of simply being present with what’s going on with in us, with our feelings , and with what’s coming up. So making a small space for yourself everyday to literally sit in silence, in love with yourself, to hear yourself, and to be willing to allow what desires to surface, to surface so you can be relieved of it, is a powerful daily practice. And this will be a light way to do this for 5 minutes at a time, and lead you into it. Know you are not alone, I am holding space with you, I am here with you breathing along side you, and you do not need to journey through any of what you are walking through alone."
There is a lot coursing in us and around us right now, and I believe that taking moments to be with yourself, with the fullness of all you are and feel, has never been so important.
The art of being with ourselves isn't just for hard moments - it is powerful and important to fully be with all of our joy, delight, fun, play, and beyond too - but learning to open to the hard moments and pain is where the depth of my transformative walk began, and I know that may be true for others as well.
If this practice calls to you, if a guided 6-minute practice would feel like a supportive gift, then I invite you to press play and begin now:
(Please Note: this practice intentionally does not have any music to help guide you into a place of stillness and presence with the totally of your being)
Soon I will have multiple longer meditations and recorded practices (options with and without background music) up for sale on my website, to be purchased individually or as a bundle. Keep your eyes peeled if that is your sort of thing!
I will leave you with this:
I like to imagine a planet where everyone simply had or created 6-minutes of space to be with themselves before heading out into the world. I like to imagine how different things would be if we knew how to hold ourselves, to let ourselves FEEL and connect before we act. If we individually and collectively knew how to feel the pulse of our own energy moving through our bodies and beings - if we felt clarity on what isn't really ours and how to release it with love to reconnect with the truth of who we are.
I am holding a vision for that world, for all the possibilities alive there, for all of us. May it begin now with 6 loving minutes of opening today.
If you are ready to dive deeper, I would love to welcome you into a coaching session. Learn more and book here.